Friday, September 19, 2008

can i get a witness...

Gentleman, I am off the market! The search is off! My mother can exhale!
Bishop Weeks is perfect for me.
Please stop everything you're doing and read this entire article. It will take you 3 minutes.
Bishop Thomas Weeks the Third is an Atlanta based minister who got divorced from his televangelist-wife, Juanita after they got in a messy parking lot brawl. Bishop Weeks got arrested (the bitch was probably asking to be "pushed, choked and beat") and is on the internet search for a new bride. He's even roped his staff into this noble endeavor.
Enjoy a few "Future Mrs. Weeks" requirements:
-Must be at least 25 years old (I'm 30!) but special exemptions can be made for 21 year olds, provided they are classy.
-very discerning (Me!)
-very social (Hello? Me!)
-very intimate (Me, baby!)
-very sensual (Sweet Jesus, Me!)
-very diverse (Moi!)
-not ugly (I'm meeting Tim the Trainer this very afternoon!)
-must want children (Ugh. Well, as long as I don't have to sign a...)
-must sign pre-nup (donated pro-bono by Bishop Weeks attorney, thank God!)
Now, the good Bishop might still be in love with his ex, as evidenced HERE, where he reveals incredible private and grammatically incorrect texts from poor Juanita Black-Eye. But who cares? He can text whomever he wishes. Who cares! I want to be The Preacher's Wife!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

OMG hilarious. No pun intended.

Sweet Melissa said...

I want to be there when you marry him by phone.

I love that you have to sign a pre-nup. So you can't take half his cigarettes or shank collection.

Anonymous said...

"He said he wants to give people a Christian perspective on dating." As he is looking for his third wife I am not sure if his "perspective" to dating is really what anyone should follow... amiright!

Anonymous said...

A trinity of ex-wives? Hello, anonymous? What's unchristian about that?

Anonymous said...

touche.