Sunday, September 21, 2008

and we didn't get shot...

Big Chris and I couldn't agree on where to go last night, until we remembered that the leader of the Hells Angels was recently shot in front of what Chris calls, "The Usual."
Dirty Thieves it was.
I'll admit, I was nervous walking fro and to home, as my neighborhood is rapidly becoming a demilitarized zone. And Chris has made it perfectly clear he plans to use me as a human shield should bullets start flying. Thieves was dead, no pun intended, which meant we had total control over the jukebox, a music selection we now know like the back of our hands. It was marvelous.
Anyway, here are the Top 3 Chris quotes of the night, as written on a cocktail napkin, in chronological order:
-"Your wedding, by the way, if someone's ever crazy enough to marry you for citizenship, will be the greatest party of all time."
-"That's the Absolut Los Angeles talking."
-"I've got to pee like a child."
We came home and fell asleep watching some straight boy movie Chris found On Demand. The next thing I knew, Chris was screaming at me to stop drooling on him. 
"You know, I was supposed to go on a date with some Asian chick tonight."
"Why didn't you?"
"Because if I don't hang out with you, no one will."
"You're retarded."
"I'm just saying, I could be having saucy Asian sex right now, but instead, I've decided to take pity on you."
That's Big Chris. A regular Mother Theresa...

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

omg hilarious!

Becky said...

Nobody's gonna have sex with Chris. He doesn't even wear big boy shoes.

Anonymous said...

...I follow your blog fairly closely and always assumed that Big Chris was your boyfriend? Surprised that he isn't.

Spots said...

Well, obviously you haven't been reading that closely! As I have previously and repeatedly disclosed, other than one drunken evening circa 2005 and an awkward midnight sidewalk moment (in the rain!), Chris and I share an odd yet platonic relationship wherein I get to fall asleep on him during screenings of Rocky and he gets to constantly say, "What's that I smell? Oh yeah. Desperation."

Pen said...

I agree with Becky...

esp. not the saucy asians.