Friday, July 18, 2008

luke donald, this is for you...

Grey Cloud and I had lunch at the Phoenix and watched the British Open (golf) because he, like my brother, Big Chris and the occasional straight in my life know how to get me to watch sports: just tell me interesting facts about the players, the rules and the history. 
"Do people ever go nuts and flip out?"
"Sure, but you get fined. Like this guy about to miss this shot right here. At the 1991 Masters..."
Oh, and did you know that the winner of the Masters gets to pick what's for dinner at the Masters Champion's Dinner. We got on this one because I asked about the dude with the annoyingly wacky name who make some crack about Tiger Woods and fried chicken. 
"Do people ever pick weird shit for dinner?"
"I don't know. I guess you could google it. Dude, it'd be awesome if someone picked In and Out."
"Yeah! Or shitty chinese food."
After lunch, we strolled across the street to Rhea's liquor store, where the gentleman behind the counter was basically Adrian Brody in a fedora, wife beater and wallet chain singing alone to "Ain't Gonna Hurt Nobody (to get on down)."
Shit, I love this song. 
Much to Grey Cloud's horror, I started singing along with fedora and we became fast friends. You know, Grey Cloud rolls his eyes and visibly attempts to barely tolerate me, but I think he'll admit, in this case it paid off. 
Because fedora gave me the greatest line of all time.
As he handed me my change, he smiled and said with perfect confidence, as if we were in a movie, "Stay beautiful, Sweetheart. It's an ugly world."
Which kinds of trump's GC's newest singles bar move, "Hi, my name's Chris. Am I wasting my time?"
Anyone could've said either to me at the St. Francis last night, where X ditched us and I recorded the following...


Sweet Melissa said...

I was not flirting at the bar. I was waiting for the bill for the round of Crown I bought from the bartender and brought to the table. These two guys (brothers) started talking to me and turns out they are from Fresno. I used to have a client there and spent a lot of time in that town so we chatted about Fresno.

That's right: Fresno.

Nothing less sexy than that, I'm afraid.

Spots said...

Shouldn't you be more worried that I regard it as "our" money?
Community property, bitch!
(heh. get it? cuz of last night? heh.)

Sweet Melissa said...

You can have half of my student loans, too.

I love that you're already making marital property jokes!

vansmack said...

Since there were two of them, why didn't you bring them back to the table. You know, one for each of you?

Sheesh. You guys need to figure out who's the wingman in this relationship.

Spots said...

There were more than two, and that was way earlier.
And hell yess, I'm pulling that property shit. I've seen your handbags...

Anonymous said...

Who has a $150 bar tab?

Spots said...

Well, there were, at one point, four of us. I was including the obscenely generous tip (he was hot). And we were having $15 drinks. This shit adds up in like, 10 minutes.
$150 at the St. Francis is 2 drinks each.
Not that I'm counting the Crown, which incidentally, I sipped...

Becky said...

When you live in the city and go out for a night, who doesn't have a $150 bar tab?