Saturday, June 14, 2008

i took best quality chicken...

I took my own advice and got some fresh air today. KG and I went for a long walk on Ocean Beach, stopping to watch a soccer game on the sand. One half of the (what we've decided was) Brazilian team was in royal blue Euro jerseys. The other half in random t-shirts they apparently got for free.
KG called the teams, "Unemployed vs. Employed."
It was a lovely long walk in the sand, where we caught up and I attempted to stretch my thighs that are suffer in even greater 'Tim the Trainer' pain than they did yesterday. Why does it take a full 2 days for utter and complete muscle soreness to take effect?
Anyway, after snagging one of KG's cookies, I swung by her local Safeway to pick up a salad for dinner.
1: Yeah, the Safeway by the beach. Ga-hetto!
2: Yeah, I'm home eating a salad on a Saturday night. Don't be all KG and ask, "So, what fabulous plans to you have tonight?" None. Okay? I have no plans. I'm working tomorrow. Tomorrow is the last weekend day I have to work. At 7am, bitches. So, you know, even if I did have plans, I totally SO wouldn't be going out. Make sense? Because I could have plans.
Shut up. I hate you.
Anyway, my big plan tonight consisted of making "My New!" salad of hearts of romaine, caramelized onions, chicken breast, avocado and golden raisins lightly tossed in a Safeway Select Lite vinaigrette. With a side of a bottle of Ravenswood Chard. And a popcicle. (Tim the Trainer is now plotting my push-ups.)
Anyway, I had to go to Safeway.
Safeway at the beach.
People, I live in the barrio. I shop at Potrero Safeway, home to April* the woman who waits for it to be ALMOST my turn and then announces, "Damn, iz time for my break. Hol up, Ima need to gesome body up in here...anyways..."
But uh, Beach Safeway? You win.
Shit. I thought I was back at the Guangzhou train station. The crowd around the fresh corn alone...my GOD! I may have lost a toe.
All I needed was some romaine, one onion, one avocado, some cooked chicken, a handfull of raisins, $2.50 salad dressing and cheap white wine. Okay?
Step off, Joy Luck Club!
Jesus. You've have thought I was dropping off an male orphan. I was barely able to move. And this was at 3:45pm on a Saturday. At one point, I no longer gave a shit. I believe I took out some geriatrics's eye. Fuck 'em. I AM ALONE ON A SATURDAY AND I WANT A VERY SPECIFIC SALAD AND A LOT OF WINE! DON'T FUCK WITH ME!
I collapsed into Rhonda the Honda with a few bruises, a desire to smoke a lot of cigarettes and all of my goddamn ingredients. But Christ Almighty, this was an ordeal. I mean, really. It's a plastic grocery basket, ma'am. Not a weapon...

*Names have been changed to protect exactly who all of my former roommates know I'm talking about...

8 comments:

amy said...

As Beth's token Asian friend, before anyone can get all PC and 1999 on this, I approve and love this post.
But then again I know she keeps me around so she can mock my culture. No math jokes?
The "male orphan" had my mom laughing - once I translated.
Nice.

Generic said...

What, you mean Russian Safeway?

I thought that was where all the big-boned Soviet grandmothers shopped.

greg said...

Sometimes I'll walk from my place to Ocean Beach (frak the N judah) and then walk north towards Outer Territories Safeway.

I remember once seeing a hobo eating Safeway fried chicken and feeding meaty bits of it to some HUGE ass crows.

Playland at the Beach used to be out there, now it's condos and cannibal crow safeway.

Anonymous said...

Me too.
I'm Asian and I approve this blog. Even tho I still get personally blamed for The War.

Yay for another funny and insightful entry.

Anonymous said...

Dude, you went to the wrong Safeway! Next time just head 30 blocks up Fulton and go to the amazing new one on Cabrillo between 7th and 8th Aves.

LB said...

I've only been to that safeway drunk.

Eve said...

I like to go to that Safeway because there's no chance I'll buy anything that wasn't on my list -- it's so unpleasant and scary -- unlike Trader Joe's, where I "discover" all sorts of salty/sugary snacks. Tunnel Vision Safeway.

KG said...

The best time to go to this place is about 8pm on a work night, then it is somehow full of single men. You will know them, as they stand in front of you in line buying a six pack, some colgate, and a bag of beef jerky.

Really, it is the only saving grace...