Monday, June 09, 2008

maybe i'll mix it up with a wink...

Mel and my dinner date had to cancel, which is fine with Mel. She's exhausted and needs a night off. I probably should do the same, but I was in bed by 10 last night. And my co-worker really likes my ensemble today.
"Don't waste it! Go sit at a bar by yourself and own it." screamed Amanda.
"No, I can't."
"Who are you? Of course you can!"
"I'm scared."
"Since when?"
"Come with me." I begged.
"I can't." She smiled. "I have a date."
Amanda is fearless. She met some dude off the internet and they went to a park and played catch.
Fucking catch.
I was both inspired and horrified.
But still. She's right. There was a time when me sitting at a bar by myself was the highlight of my evening. I had this confidence, this carelessness, this look.
Oh man, my look rocked.
Actually, I have two looks. Both of which I'm going to try and bring back tonight.
Look Number One is just my sitting at a bar alone and owning it. I call it my "Don't fuck with me unless you know what you're getting yourself into look."
I feel like Look Number One means only the truly brave, hilarious and obscenely wealthy will muster the courage to initiate the chat.
Look number two? Ladies and gents, gays and straights, it works for us all.
If you see someone cute in a bar, party, pumping gas, whatever and you get the feeling they might have just checked out out, make eye contact and with a straight face, hold it. Hold it for as long as you're emotionally capable (7 seconds max), then slowly look away and smile.
Awwww yeah.
The first time I ever did this was to the bartender at the Redwood Room who then sent my table shots and 10 minutes later, asked me to go "smoke" on the side stairs.
The last time I ever did this was Thursday night, egged on by Melissa. "That guy in the suit and baseball hat (?) is totally checking you out!"
He was cute in a Guy-from-Fine-Young-Cannibals sort of way.
So I did the look.
No shots. No making out on the stairs. Nuthin. But you know, everyone's hit or miss. And sadly, I'm no longer 25 and in a beaded kimono.
Anyway, I'm kinda feelin' it. Tonight, folks. Yep. I will be alone. At a bar. All by my lonesome. Looking for a little action.
And I think we all know I will end up talking to a 70 year old drunk named Rusty about his colitis.
The only question is...which bar?


Generic said...

I think it was the beaded kimono.


Anonymous said...

We know the following:
Your folks are out of town. You worked all weekend. You, Spots, are staying in Marin.
It's a Marin bar, right?

Be_Devine said...

I'm thinking Redwood Room. Upscale yet younger. Good lighting; good drinks.

And the chance to have your trademarked look received by a high-powered executive whose suite is a quick 10 floors up the elevator.

A Panda said...

I did not meet some guy off the internet and play catch with him.
I met him at mezzanine!

alex said...

Sorry I cant come out with ya sis. Its too hot and im too tired besides I just be a cock block anyway.

Anonymous said...


How did you make Sammy Hagar smile ?

I have seen the famous play three
times this season. It is terrific !
I was thinking about the song,
"Ding Dong the Wicked Witch is Dead". Go type this song name in YouTube and see what you get ? There are many variations of this song there with Hillary Clinton.

Becky said...


seany said...

Okay, now I am all ready for another "we ended up at Le Club where this douchey guy..." type post. :)

vansmack said...

Two looks. Yes.

My look number one is at a book in a crowded bar. Never fails. I'll take a book, sit at a crowded bar and actually enjoy myself. It never fails that at some point a girl (or a group) will come up to me and ask what I'm reading or how I can read with so many things happening around me.

Look number two. At her shoes. Compliment a woman on her shoes, and walk away. Inevitably she'll find you.

I don't know that either of these will work on a man, but you're welcome to try them.

grey cloud said...

im totally responsible for look're welcome

Sweet Melissa said...

I think I am only capable of look #1. Though it usually just means I get hit on by people with no pride left to lose. C'est la vie...