This morning, I boarded a plane for JFK and upon discovery that it would be continuing on to Kuwait City, pretty much texted everyone I knew and stated the obvious, "OMG."
I even called Brian. Brian, who stood on his curb this morming, in his jammies helping me park my car at his house and arranging for my taxi to the airport.
"Kuwait?" He screamed.
"I know. We're boarding right now. It looks like the cast of Flight 93."
I gave Brian my blogger password, so he could tell the world, "Dudes. My flight is going to Kuwait."
I had an iced coffee. I read People. I slept.
6 hours later, I landed in New York. I believe at one point, I wrote in my journal, "No action from anything Kuwait-themed. Bummer."
When I landed, now here in New York, the pilot informed us we could turn on out phones as we taxied to the gate.
I turned on my phone.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
You get the idea.
More importantly, Brian and Mel were HYSTERICAL.
"People are flipping out! OMG! It's all my fault! (yep.) I'll delete it! (don't.) They're calling you names! (eh.) Call Mel! (hollers Brian.) Call Brian! (screams Mel.)"
Um, Brian, what did you write?
He read it to me.
Dear two people who disapproved and one shithead who's a fucking pussy,
1. Thanks for joining us mid-program. I'm glad you're kosher with my snide observations and judgement of children, elderly, cripples, hobos, gays, straights, Americans, foreigners, the holocaust, the tsunami, Hurricane Katrina, nerds, prom queens, people from the suburbs, the rich and the poor. I didn't realize I might strike a nerve with a ref to the soverign emirate of Kuwait.
2. If you were getting on a plane, thinking you're going to New York and find out the plane is eventually bound for Kuwait, would you take a moment and notice? Really. Ask yourself. I mean, they make it pretty clear. They put photos of Kuwait City on flat screens. Or maybe you're too busy recycling, giving money to Hari Krishnas, not using oil and looking for shit to get pissed about to actively pretend that Kuwait is totally as standard as, say, Kauai.
3. What? Too soon?
I'm glad we stirred some shit up today. For the record, those weren't my words. But for the record, they might as well have been.
Lighten up. But if you can't, I stick my name and my mug by everything I write. Try it some time. It feels honest.
And don't upset Brian. My voicemail doesn't have that much storage.
I'm off to hang with 72 virgins!
PS: We landed safe and sound. What are the odds!