Wednesday, June 11, 2008

christ, i'm a regular mother theresa...

After work today, I decided to take a little walk along the Richardson Bay, because apparently, I'm in an Ensure commercial. Anyway, I'm plugging along and I near this freeway overpass. The hippie, government walk/bike path runs directly beneath it and every time I venture through, I'm convinced that'll be the moment the big one hits and it's Goodbye, Spotswood.
But right there, huddled in the shade of the overpass were three cyclists, obviously tourists who rented some bikes in Sausalito and seem to be either lost or injured.
I walked right past them.
Hey, I'm not proud of this. But the halfway lamp post was 50 yards away and I had to touch it before I could turn around and walk my ass home. I passed one woman crouched down, covering her face and with her, a couple trying to figure out a cell phone and map.
Not my problem. This is America. You're on your own. I have an iPod. I can't hear you. I'm sure you'll be just fine. Let's not make eye contact.
But then I touched the lamp post and had to turn around. Oh god. This is bad karma. What if they're dying. What if something really interesting, like robbery or rape just happened. What if they're famous.
I was getting closer and their little scene remained the same.
Shit.
Wait! What if this is one of those Dateline, hidden camera things about how nobody helps anyone anymore. OMG! In addition to my now very strong urge to help these unfortunates, I really don't want to be captured on national television looking like a bitch. Especially in this less than attractive ensemble.
As I neared, the man looked up and seemed to wave at me. I pulled my earphones out.
"Hey, are you guys okay?"
"Ah freend's feeling a beet eel."
Oh! Australians!
Said ill friend then violently vomited all over the side of the overpass wall. Sick! But I could be on Dateline. I maintained my composure. "Do you need help? What can I do?" (I'm a charming American, here to help you in your disgusting time of need.)
"Weah trying to geht a taxi but we've no ideah wheah we ah."
Folks, we're across the street from the Buckeye. You're in good hands. I know the number of the cab company by heart. We called a taxi. I gave them our coordinates. I redeemed myself, just in case I was on Dateline. I felt like Jesus...

7 comments:

greg said...

awww...

just remember this: at this point THEIR dollar is worth as much as OURS...so BE NICE and LET THEM SPEND in our sorry ass economy!

besides now there'll be all sorts of handsome aussies reading on blogs about how Beth Spotswhatever saved their friends from certain doom...when you are Mayor of SF you can say "lt all started with aussie barf..."

grey cloud said...

i used to run along that path...yeah, exercise...those were the days

Sweet Melissa said...

I'm so proud of you!

Incidentally, Dateline is also why I stopped trolling for 13-year-olds on the internet.

alex said...

Such a good Catholic girl. Doing good deeds when you guilt yourself into it.

aapineda said...

You and Melissa really do need to be on TV. And not Dateline, either. Unless they have already scheduled their knock on Melissa's door.

Becky said...

Who are you kidding?...you are Jesus.

sfmike said...

I feel so grateful to live in a world that includes such a good, selfless, helping person like you. Your natural combination of the best parts of Florence Nightingale, Eleanor Roosevelt and Gandhi have always struck me as a miracle just waiting for for an inspirational Hallmark made-for-tv-movie. The only question is what actress would be fabulous enough for the role.