Tuesday, May 20, 2008

kinda lesbo in retrospect...

I spend a great deal of time worrying that everything I'm doing is really weird.
For example, I spent the past hour sitting in a competition swim suit and men's boxer shorts, downloading lesbian folk music at my father's desk in my parents' empty house.
Weird, right?
Yeah, I knew it!
Goddamnit.
I think I'm coming to terms with my immense and embarrassing strangeness, lest displaying my oddities on the internet not count, and guess what? I also interviewed myself in the mirror today. Yeah! Deal with that! I was on Ellen and we're really good imaginary friends. What's up? You got something to say?
That's what I thought.
Anyway, as I sat here in my bathing suit and man underwear and Indigo Girls (and cucumber sandwiches, if you must know), I got an e-mail from some freak who basically pointed out that my being a total freak on the internet made them feel less like the total freak they obviously are.
Awwww. Psycho fan mail. Yay!
So I figure fuck it.
We're all weird.
You!
Yes, YOU.
You do weird shit. I know it. You eat from the garbage can, regretting that half-eaten burrito you should have never thrown away. You pee in the shower and you pick your nose, just to see what's goin' on in there. You talk to yourself, you imagine you're in a movie montage and you plan your best dreams before you go to sleep. You pretend salsa is gazpacho and you make up stories to strangers because you're bored and you'd rather not tell them the truth. You think being homeless might be a really good diet and you enjoy it whenever Color Me Badd comes on the radio. You throw plastic bottles in the regular trash on occasion. You google people you used to know and still don't really care about. You're beyond singing in the shower and dancing in the car.
You're weird!
It's okay! You know what?
It's normal! NORMAL!
At least to me.
Who's a total freak. In which case, shit.
You're fucked...

11 comments:

Sweet Melissa said...

This just made me burst out laughing in the middle of Postrio! Shit, even when we're apart, we annoy the people around us!

You are a strange one, Beth Griffwood.

Couldn't love you more!

greg said...

omg

how did you know I drink all the hot sauce (and I mean the really hot sauce), beth?

I am so forwarding this to antisocial networking you are like rockin in this post.

Becky said...

You (meaning people in general) or either weird or really fucked up. I'll take weird.

the slackmistress said...

I love this post. I am so quoting you.

-slackmistress
(antisocialnetworking.uber.com)

sfmike said...

Well, in truth, you ARE weird, not normal, which is exactly why you're interesting. I'm still processing the image of the Speedo and the men's boxers together, and wish I could be there for a photo op.

Please join me for my birthday party at City Hall from 6-8 on Thursday, May 22nd. They're pretending the festivities are for the unveiling of a bust of Harvey Milk on our shared birthday, but we all know it's really for me. And no, I'm not normal either.

Anonymous said...

YES! YES! YES!
I love this post. Brava!

Spots said...

Shucks, guys.
I also forgot to add "You look at your poo. You SO do. Why? Because it's always different!"
But then I was worried that maybe it was just me. Like everyone else's poo is uniform. So I called three people (none of whom bat an eyelash at the question) and they confirmed it.
I knew it!

Teanut said...

Peeing in the shower is the most normal thing on this list.

Be_Devine said...

I hope this is your list of conversation starters for the Nob Hill Gazette Party honoring you as one of SF's Most Eligibles.

Anonymous said...

You want freaky? Check out www.postsecret.com and see how much of that shit you identify with. I'm tellin' ya....

soiloveyou said...

I feel like the weird/creepy things I do have just been exposed on the internet.

Except picking my nose. Or is that just a lie I came up with to tell strangers?!