Wednesday, May 28, 2008

i really need to let go of this, but...

I think it’s already been established that I’m a cruel, cold, heartless person who enjoys feeling superior even thought I’m well aware I’m the most obnoxious of dorks.
Now that that’s out of the way, get a load of this.
I wrote a sassy little post on SFGate about how I felt mildly dissed at events by political hopefuls Chris Jackson and Mark Sanchez. I haven’t heard a word from Sanchez, but he’s probably just French braiding his mane, and Jackson left a sad comment on my blog…with a link to his website.
You’re campaigning in my comments?
Lame.
So lame, it was hard to let go.
On the hot tip of an anonymous blogger, I went trolling around his Facebook account.
Apparently, Chris Jackson quotes himself in the “Favorite Quotes” section of his profile!
I repeat, he quotes himself!!!
So I cut and paste the quotes in an e-mail to some friends. You know, politicos, bloggers, people who might an enjoy someone actually quoting themselves.

"My best ideas come to me by listening to others"
- Chris Jackson

"Success is not a place nor is it a definition; rather, success is a direction"
- Chris Jackson

"History is not made by those that sit down and meet, History is made by those that stand up and act!"
- Chris Jackson

Then we move into other areas of his profile, bored at work, and looking for pathetic ways to feel better about ourselves. For example, his favorite movies: My favorite movie of all time is The Color Purple. This movie is about one woman's struggle to over-come an oppressive husband and the oppressive society of the South to reunite the her childhood bestfriend. I've watched this movie over 20 times. My second favorite movie is the Shawshank Redemption which is a movie about hope. Other movies that I like are: Roots, Last of the Mojicans, As Good as it Gets, and Wild Wild West.”

Wild Wild West aside, bitchy e-mail responses included “I love that ‘overcome’ is two words and ‘best friend’ is one word,” "Last of the Mojitos is a great movie!” and “Mamacita has the BEST Mojicans.”

Hee hee hee! Oh US.

We got into his favorite books: "I love all books that discuss progressive politics and political strategies. But my all time favorite book is Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Suess.”
The fact that he is running for College Board was lost on none of us.
I’d created monsters.
Nerdy monsters who looked into HIS quotes.
Um, yeah. Let's look at this one again:

"Success is not a place nor is it a definition; rather, success is a direction"
- Chris Jackson

Oh really, Chris?
Then, uh, what about this:

...Gavin Newsom said. "It's not a zero-sum game,'' he said. "You can't say that once we house those 3,000 people, there'll be no one else. There is no having made it on the homeless policy. Success is not a place or a definition, it's a direction. I want to keep moving forward, move in the right direction, that's how we can define success.''

He ripped off Gavin!!! It's so bad, it's almost fabulous...
*Due to the BRILLIANT humor in the comments section, I'm posting the Top 10 Chris Jackson Quotes" up here at 1pm. We can vote on a winner and I'll try to find some snazzy reward for them. Tell your friends! GO!*

29 comments:

Anonymous said...

Anyone should have known that all they would have needed to do was send you a funny, apologetic e-mail after your SFGate post and you'd forget about it.
How stupid can CJ be?

Be_Devine said...

What, exactly, is the Community College Board's stance on plagiarism?

But at least he had the class to rip off Gavin. I bet Gavin was drunk when he gave that quote (it was 2006) and doesn't even remember it.

vansmack said...

"Yes We Can."
- Chris Jackson

Sweet Melissa said...

Haha!

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman."
-Chris Jackson

Anonymous said...

"ich bin ein berliner"
-Chris Jackson

Anonymous said...

"Yes We Can Has"
-Chris Jackson

Anonymous said...

It's so clear now: Chris Jackson is the next Gavin!

L'Italiana said...

"I am not an Athenian or a Greek, but a citizen of the world."
- Chris Jackson

Lucas said...

"I do not like them, Sam-I-am." -Chris Jackson

Chris Jackson said...

"I, therefore, have a dream."

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! I'm never voting for him now.

Anonymous said...

Beth Spotswood describes herself as the 30 year old equivalent of Dorothy from the Golden Girls.
-Chris Jackson

evan said...

I ate his liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti.
- Chris Jackson

Spots said...

I just got home! This shit cracks me up!
You kids slay me.
I wanna play!

"Where's the beef!?!?"
-Chris Jackson

"I believe the children are our future."
-Chris Jackson

"Won't you be my neighbor?"
-Chris Jackson

Lucas said...

"Bond. James Bond." -Chris Jackson

"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, Spots walks into mine." -Chris Jackson

Alex said...

"e=mc2"
-Chris Jackson

"Ill have what shes having"
-Chris Jackson

"Mission accomplished"
-Chris Jackson

"Thats one small step for man. . ."
-Chris Jackson

Anonymous said...

"I'm Rick James, bitch."
- Chris Jackson

el Greco said...

I'm no crook.

- Chris Jackson

Alex said...

"Let them eat cake"
-Chris Jackson

"There's this girl that's been on my mind
All the time, Sussudio oh oh. . ."
-Chris Jackson

"Were framing OJ. You in?"
-Chris Jackson

"My Aunt had a laundry shoot"
-Chris Jackson
(Only Beth will get that)

"Have a goodnight sleep on us! Mattress Discounters!"
-Chris Jackson

ok im done

vansmack said...

"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman."
- Chris Jackson

vansmack said...

"I wish I knew how to quit you."
- Chris Jackson

(now I'll stop)

Spots said...

Don't stop! I'll be posting the Top 10 Chris Jackson quotes at 1pm today, so get crackin'...

Alex said...

"Okay, Brand. Michael Jackson didn't come over to my house to use the bathroom. But his sister did."
-Chris Jackson

"I'm D.B. Cooper"
-Chris Jackson

"A gun rack... a gun rack. I don't even own a gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do... with a gun rack?"
-Chris Jackson

"By Mennen"
-Chris Jackson

Anonymous said...

"California knows how to Party!"
- Chris Jackson

Anonymous said...

"I'll flip you. Flip you for real"
-Chris Jackson

Becky said...

"To be or not to be, that is the question."
-Chris Jackson

But this...this is great...

"And people, I'm a really nice person (my partner says so) and I'll make an even better Community College Trustee."
-The Real Chris Jackson

Jackson West said...

"I've got a fever, and the only cure is more cowbell."
-Chris Jackson

Anonymous said...

Late Entry -
"I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger, but she ain't messin' with no broke ..." - Chris Jackson

Anonymous said...

"Mission accomplished" -- Chris Jackson

"Little in the middle but you got much back" -- Chris Jackson