Friday, May 02, 2008

highlights abound...

I went to a lesbian bar last night. 
Wait. Hold on. I'll back up. 
Be_Devine and I planned to meet up for Happy Hour somewhere in the Castro, as Brian Part Deux had to work nearby. In the absence of straight bars, we considered Mecca. BD can't go anywhere without first visiting the establishment's website and upon checking out Mecca, discovered that Thursday night is "Ladies Night."
OMG! Lesbos!
So we decided to meet at Lucky 13, which technically a straight bar, has a kinda scary clientele. After one drink, where I interviewed Brian (check back later for the "Stalker"), it suddenly seemed like a good idea to check out some lesbians across the street at Mecca.
I should also point out, Brian is the most protective date a gal can have. Walking towards Dyketown, some creepy old man mumbled something at me. 
What'd he say!?!?!?!" Brian screamed, while wrapping his arm around my shoulders. 
"He said, 'Nice necklace' Brian. Jesus."
Anyway, as we walk into Mecca, I suddenly grew concerned. "How's my hair? Do I look cute? OMG, lesbians!"
I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't at Mecca. There were a bunch of well-dressed business lesbians standing around. And uh, that's about it. There was only one seat at the bar, which of course Brian let me have, and we chatted away until we saw two people leaving, providing an opportunity for both of us to sit together. The woman who was sitting next to them moved over a seat, now leaving an empty seat on either side of her. 
"Um..." We were already standing right there with our drinks looking like freaks. "Are you...?" I didn't know what to say. As we all know, I'm kinda afraid of lesbians. 
"I'm sitting here." She stared us down. 
Okay. We were back to our one seat and finished our drink. "This is boring." I sighed. "Let's go meet Brian and Mel for dinner."
So I stand up and place my handbag on the TEMPORARILY empty chair next to me, while Brian pays. 
"Excuse me!" Oh god. Here we go again. "That chair is taken!!!!"
The stunned looks on our faces were mistaken for confusion. She felt the need to further explain. "My girlfriend is coming right back. She's just talking to someone RIGHT OVER THERE!!!!!" Then, for dramatic effect, she points across the bar to one of the many, middle aged women with short, choppy highlights. 
Yeah, Ellen. We got it. So I respond, "Relax. We're leaving." And promptly grabbed Brian, booking it to meet our spouses at Home.*
So we've leaned two more facts about these mysterious lesbians. 1: They all have highlights. And 2: They're really fucking touchy about barstools...

*In planning a summer house rental, Brian and I worked out our guest list. "So there's us."
"And by us, you mean?"
"The Devinbitzs and the Griffwoods."
"Oh my god, we're gay."

7 comments:

Be_Devine said...

And she doesn't even mention the boy who shared her bed last night . . .

Sweet Melissa said...

That's what happens when you try to cheat on me ;)

-Mrs. Griffwood

Becky said...

Wow, Brian just threw that out there...

Be_Devine said...

All's I'm sayin' is that it happened in my guestroom and I heard noises coming out of that room into the wee hours of the morning.

I figured she'd blog about it, but I guess our friend Bethy is shy about some things.

Spots said...

I hate you bitches...

Becky said...

Beth, you do not hate us. You want us to drag it outta you...

And believe me, Brian, I know about said noises...makes sleeping very difficult. I sympathize....Hahahaha....

Anonymous said...

1. Beth hooked up with who? A boy? That girl needs a man, not a boy.
2. Becky, what are you talking about? How would you know?
I'm SO out of the loop!
Explain! I am invested in this woman. I deserve to know.