Melissa and I went to dinner last night and pretty much pissed off our surrounding tables. Why? Because we came up with an idea we found so hilarious, we were unable to contain our delight. As Melissa threw her head back, she squealed, "Oh shit, I hope this is as funny tomorrow!"
Let's see, shall we?
We want Dan to photograph a 2009 Calendar called "A Year of The Griffwoods." This glossy and useful calendar will feature monthly themed photos of us and helpful holidays, such as "Today is my ex's birthday. Go take a piss."
Here's the breakdown:
Cover: Black and White serious beatnik photo of us smoking cigarettes at a cafe.
January: Beth's Birthday (TBD)
February: Melissa's Birthday (TBD)
March: Us with a leprechaun (diminutive volunteer needed)
April: Pillow fight
May: Us sitting on a couch with our matching laptops
June: Our lesbian wedding (we'd be in tuxedos and the Brians would be our bridesmaids)
July: Sitting on the laps of servicemen waving American flags
August: As Mustard Day falls within August, we will wrestle in a baby pool filled with high end mustard
September: Our memorial to the tragic events of September 11
October: We will dress as each other for Halloween. I'll not eat for a year, wear a business suit and heels, constantly text people, drink Scotch and ignore gentleman callers. Melissa will wear a party dress, flats and a short wig, sip a martini, be caught mid-sentence and have a cell phone from 1956
November: I'm a Pilgrim giving booze and poker chips to Squaw Melissa
December: Us in bed under the mistletoe with Santa, a role we will auction off to support our favorite charity, The Fly Eyes African School for Girls.
In our defense, we plan to print 3 of these and sell them for $0.60. And it took us like, 2 hours of hysterical, scene-causing laughter to come up with this concept.
Hmmm. In the sober light of day, it still tickles me, but I find us wildly obnoxious and rude. I can see why we spend so much time together. No one else would be able to stand us...