Wednesday, April 02, 2008

what about the windows...

I love the SFPD. Ask anyone. I was getting in fights about it at the Convention. Melissa kept trying to change the subject. Sure I mock Heath(er) Fong and as much as I want to bed any firefighter within 1000 miles, I have great affection for anyone in the SFPD.
Two of the greatest men I've ever known rock the nightstick. My beloved, late grandfather, Bob "DA" Spotswood and Big Chris, about to graduate from the Academy. Don't fajita-gate me, hippies. I love cops.
Which is why the SFPD needs to bring me in on THIS case.
A 36 year old was found stabbed to death in his apartment. The apartment was locked, security cameras show him as the only one going in or out, there was no bloody knife laying around and there was no booze or drugs in his system.
But he was stabbed. Repeatedly. To death!
Cue Hitchcock.
Detectives, I can help. I've spent the past 10 years watching every single episode of American Justice, Cold Case Files and Forensic Files. Plus, I'm really fun to hang out with and I'll bring high end coffee and classy pastries from Tartine while we hang out in the middle of the night, staring at our big dry erase board of clues and loosening our holsters.
I'll give you all the credit once I solve this thing, I just wanna be in on the investigation.
Really, really bad...


greg said...

That case has been around for some time, I remember seeing some flyers about it around town, and on Sfist, etc.

I think any new eyes on the case would help, esp. after reading the following"

"No bloody knife was found, but the investigators said de la Plaza could have washed one in the sink after fatally wounding himself."

Um, if he fatally wounded himself, how could he rise from the dead, rinse the knife, then go back to being dead?

(Cue Saul Bass style animated intro of Beth on the case, and music from any of Hitch's SF based films...)

Anonymous said...

But I love care bears!! Esepcially the new ones!

sfmike said...

You may love the SFPD, but they're so lazy they insisted it was a suicide, with the guy stabbing himself repeatedly in the neck, just because they didn't feel like investigating. If you need a sidekick/forensic photographer to complete your Nancy Drew act, by the way, do give me a ring.

Anonymous said...

Clearly, he came home, read the news you broke earlier that day and was so shocked he stabbed himself with an ice-knife.

The Swiss Miss angle explains the cover-up.

Sweet Melissa said...

It's all about the Care Bears.

Anonymous said...

You know who DOES hate the police? Jaxon Van Der Beek.

Why are the French so concerned? "Stupid Americans, can't even solve a murder. Huhuhuh." Alright, done generalizing and insulting a whole country for the night.