What to wear!?!?!?! Should I wear my glasses? Yeah, I should. Cuz I'm so smart/alternative.
Okay, let's examine. He's a Scientologist. He has a kid named Pilot. He's single. He's snarky.
Alright, he's not on my Top 5 (Peter Sarsgaard, Will Arnett, Ryan Gosling, Kenneth the Page and Roberto Benigni...obviously) but I'm willing to settle. Shit, these days, that hobo who rejected my leftover "mixed field greens" in the doorway of the Boys Club is looking cleaner. ANYway, I have the opportunity to make out with Jason Lee in a coat check room tonight and I won't fuck it up this time!
I've been told I am allowed to meet him in the "greeting line."
We all know what this means...I have once sentence to endear myself. And one sentence only. This very sentence could mean the difference between sucking face by the gratis crab cakes and being escorted out by female security guards.
I've been practicing in my car.
"So Lee? Is that Asian?"
"I'd be thinner if you'd pay for a trainer."
"I'm such a fan! A slutty one. If you get my drift. Because if you don't, it means I'll go to your hotel room, like, right now. And do stuff. And by stuff, I mean...oh shit, it depends. What do you have in mind? Oh, fuck it. If it's legal in Cambodia, it's legal with me!"
Oh golly. These are not good sentences.
No really. Help*...
*Nevermind. He's a fucking nut. He's NUTS!!! And never heard of the Golden Girls. And doesn't have a sense of humor about it. I'm saving this tale for Culture Blog, but FYI, Jason Lee is insane and Rose McGowan is way cooler...*
*But I shouldn't really talk shit because I spent last night kicking Mel whenever she stole the covers, I had a Diet Coke for breakfast and I just cried at the end of October Sky on USA...