Friday, April 25, 2008

no other road, no other way, no day but today...

I have a new pet peeve. Okay, actually I have two. The first is that I hate the term "pet peeve." The second thing that drives me fucking nuts is when people have an automatic inspirational quote at the bottom of their e-mail.
Shut up!
No one cares!
Like I'm going to sit and ponder your Successory. Oh my god, my phone's ringing and my blog is late and I knocked over my coffee and I need to pay my bills, but wait a second. There's a Gandhi quote here! I should take a moment and gain perspective. All because some Oprah book club member decided to automatically add unnecessary words of wisdom to every goddamn e-mail they send, my life is forever changed.
And it's always like,

"Dear Beth,
Can you please send me the permit request form again? I need it by 3pm.
Thanks.
Steve
~there is no yesterday. only tomorrow~"

It just makes me want to respond with, "Well, Steve, I sent it to you yesterday. Which apparently doesn't exist." And for some reason, I feel like this human flaw bespeaks of an unfamiliarity with the internet, like they JUST discovered this exciting means of communication and want to utilize it in every way possible. Relax, ponytail. It's a fucking e-mail, not a commencement address...

~if you don't have something nice to say, come sit by me~
-Steel Magnolias

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

My co-worker just exploded into laughter and our entire office has now read this post and forwarded it to everyone in our contacts.
Brilliant!

-Mike
"Hate the sin. Love the sinner."

Anonymous said...

And that's exactly why I always stop by this joint.

Lisa
~Loyalty in the service of an idiot is not a virtue~
Balzac

Becky said...

Hahahaha...Awesome and so true. My personal e-mail is inspiration free...however, at work, we are "strongly encouraged" to include the following...

Becky
"Please consider the environment before printing."

Be_Devine said...

Looks like somebody woke up on the wrong side of leClub this morning.

Brett said...

Even worse are the inspirational quotes with bouncy fucking emoticons of kittens, smiley faces, and unicorns who shit skittles.

~Hang in there!~

~Go Fuck Yourself~

Anonymous said...

This had me choking on my Snapple!
And your secret blog had me in tears. Missing someone sucks but you are Such a talent!

~california knows how to party~

Anonymous said...

The ellusive SB. That's okay. I'll wait for the book.

~hakuna matata~

seany said...

Beth, I think you need a drink.

Seany

"The only bad publicity is your obituary." -Editors of the Harvard Lampoon

Sweet Melissa said...

I am home coughing and laughing at the same time! (So hot.) Love this post!

-Mrs. Griffwood

"Stop calling me 'Meat.'" - Bull Durham

A Panda said...

As i said before,quotes at the end of emails are SO three years ago.

Anonymous said...

spotswood.. your entries lately has become more and more snottier..

when are you movin on up to the east side, to a delux apartment in the sky?? or in this case.. district 7 and nothern parts of district 8 like the rest of us =p

Anonymous said...

Beth has been a snot since Day 1. That's why we love her.

The secret blog isn't that secret. Everyone reads it once you figure out the password. Duh.

Rumor has it, she will be at the San Francisco Film Festival Party tomorrow at the W...with Jason Lee!

Go Bethy Go!

Spots said...

Devine knows too much about my calendar to comment.
Brett, Misty loves Skittles.
Sean, I'm on it.
Misty, I can't believe we're home on a Friday.
I just changed the password, bitches.
I won't be there WITH Jason Lee. I'll be there stalking him.
And I really don't give a shit about snot. It's part of my charm. Grab some Kleenex...

Okay, that last part. I know. No good...

el Greco said...

Great post. Now I gotta get me an inspirational quote.

--el Greco

"It is better to curse the darkness than to light one candle."

Sweet Melissa said...

"your entries lately has become more and more snottier"

Um - I hope your inability to use the proper tense is purposeful. At any rate, I really hope any recent snottiness has something to do with my influence. Bethy is too fabulous for words. And it's my job to make sure she knows it.

-Mrs. Griffwood

"I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal. " - Anchorman

Sweet Melissa said...

"your entries lately has become more and more snottier"

Um - I hope your inability to use the proper tense is purposeful. At any rate, I really hope any recent snottiness has something to do with my influence. Bethy is too fabulous for words. And it's my job to make sure she knows it.

-Mrs. Griffwood

"I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal. " - Anchorman

Nikki said...

That Steel Magnolia's quote should be on my tombstone.

Nikki said...

That Steel Magnolia's quote should be on my tombstone.

Anonymous said...

Friggin' hilarious. Keep up that bad attitude.