Thursday, April 10, 2008

murder he wrote...

This could not be more up my alley.
A couple of years ago, I had the great pleasure of introducing Marin County Coroner, Ken Holmes at an event in Mill Valley. Ken, it turns out, is the coolest man on the planet. At least to a total sicko like me. He gets most of the bridge jumpers and curious dead bodies turning up, AKA: my dream job. Ken also happens to be really laid back and have the most badass headshot of all time. My brother and I cornered him on the steps out front for half an hour, excitedly asking "So what happens to your insides when you jump off the Golden Gate Bridge?" And he just stood there and told us, all matter of factly and unrushed.
Anytime Alex or I see him mentioned somewhere, we immediately call the other with the pertinent information and glowing memories of our time with Ken.
So when Alex IM'ed me the link of a Mill Valley woman, Gertrude Jones going missing in 1964 and JUST turning up murdered in a shallow grave, I was all over it.
Needless to say, the husband did it. Neighbors grew suspicious back in '64 when all of a sudden, the not so bereaved windower showed up with a new Tahitian wife.
No one found the woman's bones until February 7th. Like, THIS February 7th.
Ken's on the case!
So they find out about this missing woman and hear all the gossip on the Tahitian bride and track down the poor murdered woman's neice in Florida who offered a DNA smaple.
It's a match!
Not only that, she was definitely murdered! This was no curious disappearance. Gertrude had a broken neck, a neck that according to Ken, could not be broken by a fall or an accident or "pulling in the dirt around you."
What justice can't solve, as old Mr. Jones kicked it in '87, science can. Rock on Marin County Coroner, Ken Holmes. I think I see a celebrity interview in our future...

4 comments:

Becky said...

Creppy...

alex said...

I didnt ask "So what happens to your insides when you jump off the Golden Gate Bridge?" who do you think I am? He volunteered that information. I asked "how can i kill someone and not get caught?" And he told me. . . .So dont fuck with me!

Anonymous said...

still ... the perfect crime (is possible) ..

" bereaved windower showed up with a new Tahitian wife "

it must have been time for a change ..

doa.cop@mac.com said...

Ken's my boss - and yes, he's bad-ass and super cool. Best boss ever, Too bad the county is trying to get rid of our little office. Gertrude was my case - one of the most interesting of my career - glad you enjoyed it.