Monday, February 11, 2008

screw you and your shitty ass candy...

Since Joe and I are pathetic and alone on Valentine's Day, profoundly pissed by our situations, we've decided to have a Valentine's Day Party. Anyone can come, provided they bring a photo of whatever shithead has recently done them wrong.
And a bottle of something strong.
We're going to eat KFC and watch lesbian movies and defile photographs.
Our plan is to gain a pound.
Then we're going to take photos of ourselves with cole slaw and vodka running down our shirts and stick biscuits on top of our heads and place personal ads on eHarmony.
Who's in?

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

I could not love you more. I just choked on my coffee. Genius.

seany said...

Where is this mayhem to take place? Will you crank up The Smiths until the neighbors start pounding on the door? Will voodoo dolls be provided, or do we have to brown bag it?

Becky said...

I have to decline that invitation. I plan on masturbating profusely until I can trick myself into thinking the Jelly Osaki is a real person. To each their own...

Brock said...

if KFC is there, so am i.

big jer said...

Original recipe or extra crispy??
I'm SO there in spirit!

Be_Devine said...

I'm thinking the soundtrack for this party is more Lily Allen than The Smiths.

For example, the lyrics to "Not Big":

Now listen I think you and me have come to the end of our time
What do you want some kind of reaction? Well okay, that's fine
Alright how would it make you feel if I said you'd never made me cum
In the year and a half that we spent together yeah, I never really had much fun

All the times that I said I was sober, well I'm afraid I lied
I've been lying next to you, you next to me, all the while I was as high as a kite
I can see it in your face as you break it to me gently you really must think you're great
Well lets see how you feel in a couple of weeks when I work my way through your mates

I never wanted it to end up this way
You've only got yourself to blame
I'm gonna tell the world you're rubbish in bed now
And that you're small in the game

So you thought this was gonna be easy? Well, you're outta luck.
Yeah let's rewind, let's turn back time to when you couldn't get it up
You know what I shoulda ended then, that's when I shoulda shown you the door
As if that weren't enough to deal with, you even came premature

I'm sorry if you feel I'm being kinda mental, but you left me in such a state
Now I'm gonna do to you what you did to me, gonna reciprocate

I never wanted it to end up this way
You've only got yourself to blame
I'm gonna tell the world you're rubbish in bed now
And that you're small in the game

You're not big, you're not clever, no you ain't a big brother, not big whatsoever

You're not big, you're not clever, no you're not a big brother, not big whatsoever

I'm sorry if you feel that I'm being kinda mental, but you left me in such a state
Now I'm gonna do to you what you did to me, gonna reciprocate

I never wanted it to end up this way
You've only got yourself to blame
I'm gonna tell the world you're rubbish in bed now
And that you're small in the game

You're not big, you're not clever, no you ain't a big brother, not big whatsoever.

You're not big, you're not clever, not big whatsoever, no you ain't a big brother.

You're not big, you're not clever, not big whatsoever, no you ain't a big brother.

Anonymous said...

Wow Brian. That's one hell of a "fuck you" to Mikey.

seany said...

I think both bands could be on the playlist...

"Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now" (The Smiths)

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I’m miserable now

I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I’m miserable now

In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don’t care if I live or die ?

Two lovers entwined pass me by
And heaven knows I’m miserable now

I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I’m miserable now

In my life
Oh, why do I give valuable time
To people who don’t care if I live or die ?

What she asked of me at the end of the day
Caligula would have blushed

"Oh, you’ve been in the house too long" she said
And I (naturally) fled

In my life
Why do I smile
At people who I’d much rather kick in the eye ?

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I’m miserable now

"oh, you’ve been in the house too long" she said
And I (naturally) fled

In my life
Oh, why do I give valuable time

Anonymous said...

hilarious !

does your father know where you are (writing this stuff ?)

Anonymous said...

Maybe Gavin will show up at your door drunk and in a randy mood.