Friday, February 01, 2008


That kooky Aaron "Speedo" Peskin has apparently got himself one hot little hairy temper. I guess he's been calling up people, harassing them at home and threatening to cut their job or their funding or something equally boring. Someone named Monique Moyer, henceforth to be known as the fabulous MoMo, got a call at 8:45pm (gasp!) in which she was dragged from putting her kid to bed and sensed Speedo was on the sauce. Needless to say, she was left "shaken."
Not that I believe in procreation, but if I had to pick between wiping the snotty nose of some spawn or getting bitched out by a drunk politician...well, that's a touch one. No one made you take the call, MoMo. It's called boundaries.
Speedo also threatened Wade Crowfoot, that guy with the fake job about weather who all the gays think is hot. I guess Speedo wanted to get him fired out of spite, much like the time Jerry returned the blazer on Seinfeld.
Finally, in a fabulous twist, Speedy opposed some boring thing Speedo wanted to do, so Speedo opposed some boring thing Speedy wanted to do. When she sped over and confronted him about it, guess what he said? Just guess!!!
"Payback is a bitch."
Is that not the most fabulous thing ever. Aaron Peskin, eye to eye with Michela Alioto-Pier snarling "Payback is a bitch."
Someone at City Hall needs to hire me because I'm missing out on all the good stuff. Wouldn't it have been marvelous if Speedy had snarled back, "So am I, Napoleon complex" and rolled over his foot?
Anyway, I don't know when people in politics got so sensitive. It's only Speedo, folks...


Anonymous said...

'Aaron Peskin, eye to eye with Michela Alioto-Pier snarling "Payback is a bitch."'

Best. Line. Ever.

You seriously deserve an award for that shit.

Sweet Melissa said...

I love it when you talk politics!!

sfmike said...

The Port Director is "shaken" because she receives a phone call at 8:45 PM? What a lying bitch.

And though she has lots of competition, easily the most loathsome character on the Board of Supervisors is Ms. Michaela. She actually gives wheelchair users a bad name.