Dear Matt Gonzhottass,
Congratulations on running for Vice President! That's so exciting and I couldn't be more happy for you. I guess this means you'll finally be getting that haircut. Well, good for you. It did wonders for Lenny Kravitz.
I do have a few concerns, like what if you and King Ralph actually get elected and you try and hang your construction paper art in the Mural Room? (Oh yeah, I watched the West Wing. I know all about the various rooms.)
Or say you're tending to some important foreign policy meetings in, like, Siberia and you have to have dinner with a bunch of guys in fur hats who serve you nothing but processed meats? Christ, I bet they don't even recycle their vodka bottles. (Don't worry. I do.)
You know, the seats on Air Force One are probably leather. And I'm guessing they don't serve sustainable food when you're campaigning at Cletis'is House of Chick'n and Fixin's in the non-Green compliant Unadilla, Georgia.
But you can handle it, right? Sure you can! You're Gonzhottass!
I just hope you know what you're getting yourself into. I mean, Gavin is one thing. But Gene Amondson is entirely another.