Wednesday, February 06, 2008

the gentleman is sane...

Last night, the Brians invited me to join them at the San Francisco Young Democrats Election Night Party at Jillian's in the Ghettotron, so Joe and I met up after work and made an appearance. We sat at a back table with the Brians and some other political diehards, drinking martinis and eating the most disgusting cheese dip known to man.
Word to the wise, if you head over to Jillian's for a little snack, steer clear of the cheese and chorizo dip.
Not that we didn't eat it.
Oh, another word to the wise, the last time Mikey and I were in there for pre-movie cocktails, our bartendress pulled my cocktail onions from the jar with her fingers.
Not that I didn't drink it.
Anyway, we're yucking it up at Jillian's, watching election returns on the myriad of flat screens placed around the back room. I wanted to get home by 9:30 to watch my father do is his favorite thing all year: host Election Night on KRCB Public Television. Because at 9:30, Dad would be interviewing State Senate District 3 Candidates Judge Judy on Crack, Mark "Loves Me" Leno and JAV.
Around 8pm, suffering through our cheese dip, Brian D. gasped gayer than he's ever gasped in his life.
"Oh my god! Carole's here!"
It's like you could feel the temperature change in the room, with a mixture of Crazy and White Diamonds wafting through and sitting itself down at a table with really old gays.
As Joe pointed out, "I thought this was supposed to be the YOUNG Democrats."
Now, this woman was due to be on live television with my father in an hour an a half and Brian was desperate for me to go up and introduce myself. Again.
But that loon scares me shitless.
"What's she going to do?" Brian asked. "She should be afraid of you!"
You know what? Here's why I won't go over to her. I make fun of a lot of kooky people. And most of them roll with it. But that bitch called my office and accused me of lying. Actually, she had her flunky Eric Potashithead do it. And when I provided video proof that she was the one full of shit, not I, nary a soul from her office said, "Oops, we still hate you, but we were wrong on that one."
I'm willing to guess even that Pesky Peskin could muster the balls to send a goddamn e-mail.
So screw you, Migden! And screw you Eric!
I'm not nervously walking up to that fruitcake and offering my hand, wondering if she'll figure out who the hell I am.
"Oh, you're about to go on TV with my dad. Please be nice to me."
Fuck that!
I'm on the Gate, crackpot. Ever heard of it?
Anyway, Carole and her clown wig stayed for about 4 seconds, so I managed to avoid Brian's pleadings and get off scott free. But 5 minutes later, we spotted Carole out the window on the sidewalk, holding a take-out bag from Firewood and a Nantucket Nectars juice jar, staring into Jillian's and trying to watch CNN through the window.
She was no doubt racing off to be obnoxious to my dad, and I silently hoped she's spill that Nectar all over her bolero.
When she finally got on television, Carole was predictably insane, constantly calling Mark "Loves Me" Leno, "The Gentleman."
According to the Brians, my father looked "exasperated."
I've seen that look before.
Conveniently, Pops is moderating the debate on Leap Day and Brian and I will be front row center. I've already taken off of work, so if Carole's minions want to harass me, they can do so on my cell as I'll be out of the office...


be_devine said...

And I love that Carole decided to start out the KRCB forum last night by correcting Dick Spotswood's undisputable statement that if Prop 93 is defeated and Mark is elected to the Senate, he would be able to serve two terms in the Senate. Being that the defeat of Prop 93 just means that the status quo term limits regime that has existed in California for 18 years will continue, you would think Carole might know how it works. But instead, she adamantly argued that if Prop 93 is defeated, Mark could only serve one term in the Senate.

Carole's wrong, albeit adamant, argument seems to be explained by one of three things: (a) Carole may not have understood what the word "defeat" means - she may have thought it means "wins"; (b) Carole may not understand how California's term limits work, or (c) Carole is just plain crazy (no big shocker there) and will dispute any and every point just for the sake of arguing.

I'm going with option (d) - all of the above, heavy on the (c).

Anonymous said...

What a retarded politician not to at least try to make some kind of ammends with you. Granted, you write an often silly blog, but you're also the only one anyone reads who can get away with calling her a crackhead once a week. We all know you and Mark are madly in love, but Joe Alioto Veronese showed up to your birthday with a hug and a bottle of wine. Carole's not just nuts. She's stupid.

Anonymous said...

You've got yourself a real live Phil Specter-looking stalker.

And that was no take-out bag from Firewood, that was special "laminated" photos, documents and a cassette tapes.

btob said...

I loved it when your dad, so obviously frustrated with Carole "I'll just keep talking and everything will go my way" Midgen that he stopped trying to interject, took off his glasses and stared straight at Carole from about 6 inches away. Classic!!

I'll bet he did that same thing when you and Alex were roughhousing as kids...

Anonymous said...

Spots, we get it already, you're threatened by the idea of any another female being in the spotlight, and you'd much rather keep company with the jolly 'mos because they'll love you always, no matter what. Crystal clear.

Fredo said...

Wow WTF with anonymous 4:16 p.m.? Wonder if Swiss Miss finally learned her lesson after SFist and started commenting anonymously?

Anonymous said...

Anon 4:16 - I'm not sure Bolero qualifies as a "female."

Becky said...

Oh come now - of course Beth wants other women to be in the spotlight. If they weren't, who would she make fun of? Duh.

greg said...

this one had so many classic moments....the ghettotron? multiple Jillian's jokes? multiple jokes about State Senate candidates? freakin' great.

and this line was priceless:

"I'm on the Gate, crackpot. Ever heard of it?"

And now I shall leave you with this actual poster from Jillian's....just imagine our State Senate candidates in said poster and well...