Wednesday, December 26, 2007

shut UP! (cue elaine benes shove)...

So, a tiger named Tatiana escaped her cage and killed someone on Christmas Day at the San Francisco Zoo.
God, I love this city.
Okay, okay. Horrible tragedy, shoulda never happened, my thoughts and prayers are with the victims, etc.
But, Jesus (literally) Christ!
Holy (literally) shit!
Are you (fucking) kidding me?
I can barely wrap my hungover head around it.
Let's review:
1. Amazing it happened on Christmas. You know, of all days.
2. Who goes to the Zoo on Christmas?
3. Tatiana? Fabulous.
Quickly recapping, although I know this is being covered by everyone on Earth, including Fox News who is no doubt blaming our encouragement of homosexuality for this horrible event, a 350lb tiger named Tatiana (sounds like a drag queen, quite frankly) miraculously escaped from her cage at the SFZ (I just made that up) and killed some poor teenager before critically injuring his two friends.
The fuzz showed up and shot Tatiana.
(Please now review 1, 2 and 3. My god!)
This is some serious news and when my Uncle Bill stumbled over to tell me about it last night, I slurred back, "Bullshit, Billy. Stop making shit up and go get me another coffee mug of champagne."
Main non. It's real.
I want to head down to that dreadful un-named neighborhood and find out how exactly a TIGER "leaped" over an un-leapable fence.
What the hell, SFZ...

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Can we send Jen Siebel to the zoo to test the new safety measures?

Anonymous said...

Why don't they ever shoot Carole when she goes on her rampages?

jack said...

You manage to be incredibly offensive but funny enough to make me turn off my political correct meter and laugh. A lot.
You're going to hell, however.

sfmike said...

You're right. It really doesn't get any better than this. And that crappy zoo is horrible and cursed and shouldn't continue to exist anyway, so This Is A Good Thing! Maybe we can stop imprisoning the animals in that depressing Sunset neighborhood, and the world will improve before our very eyes.

Merry Christmas, goddess.

DJTennessee said...

Your "Let's Review" list is missing one item:
4. My blonde-chasing boyfriend was off on vacation AGAIN... he misses all the best haps!

Becky said...

I am always out of town when the fun stuff happens!