Thursday, August 02, 2007

move it, bojangles...

Yesterday, the cops went through Golden Gate Park and "rousted" the hobos, whatever that means. Why they had to do it at 4:30am is beyond me. Did they need to catch the hobos before they left for work? I'm confused.
Anyway, the hobos were then taken to some big tent in the middle of the park where little angels sent from heaven tried to book them in shelters and tell them about county benefits. They also passed out bagels and blueberries. Oh, and orange wedges. Why do they always give hobos orange wedges? Anyone? To me and my fellow latch-key children, this kinda sounds like after school day care. Not a whole orange. A messy, un-peeled wedge. Because they're not filthy enough.
Oh, and the article features this trio of hobos. Hobos? Those are not hobos Those are just some edgy hipsters. Maybe the main one, who calls himself "Repo Violence" might be a little hobo-y. But the other two probably have a band called something ironic and generation specific, like 'Easy Bake Oven.'
I guess the city just needs to do a better job putting an actual face to the "hobo" because these three look like they probably have most of their teeth and a stylist.
So now they're talking about closing the park between midnight and 6am. Fine with me. The only time I'm in the park, sans vehicle, is to hit the Japanese Tea Garden and crash the occasional DeYoung gala. Like the hobos are going to check their Rolexs and suddenly say to one another, "Hey, Patches. It's 11:55. Should we call a cab?"
God bless that Heather Knight for getting the best quote from Gavin I've ever heard. "My mother told me that nothing good happens after midnight..."
Oh Gavin. Oh sweet, innocent Gavin. I have so much to teach you...

12 comments:

KG said...

They have to give them the oranges so we don't have packs of hobo's with scurvy! No really...

Holly said...

dang, kg beat me to it. arr!

Anonymous said...

Me too! I was feeling all clever and shit. Suns-a-bitches...

Anonymous said...

"Easy Bake Oven"

This is why I read your blog - brilliant.

Becky said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Becky said...

I once saw a homeless kid rub an orange in his armpit. Maybe that's why - clever deodorant...

I don't think it really helped though, he was still pretty stinky.

sfmike said...

Thanks for your "Gavin with the Gays" flickr link over at SFist. It's the strangest set of photos I've seen in some time.

And why does your boyfriend only seem to have one smile? It's a cute, dimply smile but it starts looking slightly insincere the 40th time you see it in a row. And why is he having his policemen rousting cute young hipster hobos in Golden Gate Park? Is it because of that creepy C.W. Nevius at The Chronicle? Help, I'm in Palm Springs and can't follow all the nuances, so please help.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious. That Tessa Menzies Newsom was a wealth of knowledge. I think Gavin quoted his mom as also saying, "Don't complain--don't explain."

I wish Mrs. Newsom was still alive in 2005...I seriously doubt that Ruby thing would have went down.

I wonder what else Gavin's done post-Mom. We'll find out soon enough because I heard that Ruby's writing a "self help" book and it's going to be about drugs, booze and Gavin.

Spots, please offer your services to be Ruby's ghost writer.

Anonymous said...

I guess Gavin's dealer doesn't deliver after midnight. Or, perhaps he's referring to the boring sex he has with Jen after 12 am??? Beth should show him some tricks...she loves the nightlife.

Anonymous said...

This was genius! I'm so proud of you!

Anonymous said...

It turns me on to hear Gavin use the word "suggestive".

ShyAnne said...

"Hey, Patches...."

hilarious!

don't ever change