I know you’re all desperate to discuss the newest Top Chef, because it’s so goddamn fabulous. The first episode left me with a lot of questions, the most pressing of which is HAS CLAY FOLLOWED IN HIS FATHER’S FOOTSTEPS AND KILLED HIMSELF?
Y’all remember Clay, right?
“I’m makin’ an amuse bouche outta a big ole apple and some kiwi, y’all. My daddy’d be real proud a me getting’ the Top Chef title and all cuz he was in the restaurant bizness and he was real good at it till the pressure took it’s toll and he kill hisself.” Cue crazy eyes.
So when Padma told him to “pack his knives” naturally I wondered if Clay was still with us at the time of broadcast. I’d appreciate an update.
Caleek is looking hot, tan and bald, just the way I like him. And with Tony Bourdain, my secret lover as guest judge, I spent most of the episode wondering it would be like to have a long, boozy, flirty dinner with the two of them.
Speaking of which, if Tony is by any chance reading, I’ll be at Les Halles on the 4th of July for the Liberty Festival just to stalk you. The reservation is under my name. Please feel free to come over and bring us some charchuterie samples.
I’m pulling for Mr. all I had time for was Sea Urchin Risotto, but have a feeling we might just call Hung’s triumph now. I am also a fan of Sandee the Southern Lesbian and the Tuscan Sushi that uptight foreign bitch made.
Finally, will we ever know what the fuck happened to Padma’s arm? Jesus Christ. Maybe she got in a Ginsu fight with Gail over which bitch is hotter.
I’m glad Gail won…