Monday, April 23, 2007

i'm back, bitches. and i've aged 10 years...

So, I went to Chico this weekend.
Yeah, Chico.
It’s like Vacaville, only worse shopping.
My roommate, Mikey attended Chico State and I’d been promising for over a year that I would make my way up there and hit LaSalle’s, his college-era Peach Pit, for their Saturday 80’s night.
I’d put it off long enough. I was due.
We went to Scott Howard the night before, just so I could have once last night of civilization before heading up to Kegtown, USA.
The drive was uneventful, other than passing “Guns, Fishing and Other Stuff” which I assume was a store, but could have been a redneck’s MySpace title. I’m not sure.
I made an awesome mix CD for the 3 hour drive, consisting mainly of Beyonce’s “Irreplaceable.”
Hey, if I’m going to Chico, Mikey’s listening to Beyonce on repeat for 3 hours.
I’m not exactly sure of the Chico-worthy occasion, but I figured we were really going to see Kim and Becky. I know Kim and Becky well. They’re fabulous. I figured if I was going to Chico, at least I’d be in good hands. I mean, these bitches drink me under the table.
Which is hard.
That being said, Becky proudly drinks white zinfandel, so obviously, I brought my own wine. We sat around Becky’s, snacking on brie with Kim, Jon and Renee until it was time to get ready.
Prior to leaving civilization, I inquired as to what one wore to LaSalle’s.
“Um, like jeans and a t-shirt or something. It gets hot, so something you can tie around your waist.”
“So, a skirt’s not cool.”
Mikey looked at me like I was nuts.
None the less, I packed a skirt. Thank fucking god, because once I saw how dolled up and foxy the other chicks were, I busted out the skirt, the heels and the Marc Jackass T. Had I listened to my roommate, I’d have been the only bull dyke in that place.
Skirted up, we made our way to LaSalle’s where Kim had the hardcore bar hookup. As we walked in, I looked over to my left.
“What’s that?”
“Oh, that’s the stage. You can get up there and dance.”
Say. No. More.
I grabbed my drink, found my friends and watched the bar fill up while eyeing that beautiful stage. Come hell or high water, me and my skirt were taking over that goddamn platform.
By the time the place was packed and the Madonna was blaring, I was sauced enough to march myself up there and bust my moves. There is nothing so pathetic as a 29 year old in a Marc Jackass t-shirt rocking the middle of a stage in a college bar thinking she dominates. I envisioned all of the 22 year old ladies gazing up at me and aspiring to my elderly greatness. I was even screaming “I fucking love Chico” to my new friends and fellow dancers out on the floor, who in turn were politely ignoring/pitying me and my skirt.
The next thing I new, I was regaining consciousness on Kim’s couch, washing down 34 Tylenol and wondering what the hell happened to my shoes.
I have never been more ill in my life.
I don’t know what LaSalle’s puts in their drinks, but to quote my roommate, “I think I was overserved.”
Tune in later for the scoop in the 3 hour drive back, involving an insane Banana Republic outlet, some beef jerky and the worst soup I’ve ever had in my life…

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know something pathetic...Me & some friends went to Medjools on the weekend...the more pathetic? a bunch of 45 year olds (us) dancing to the "retro" 80's music with a bunch of 25 yr olds..but hey we looked hot and we can hold our liquor....

Anonymous said...

Sincerely, unless you are in grad school do those neighborhood dives last when one is over 25 years old...I think the Crow's Nest near Santa Cruz will put out with the generation gap because they start to water down their drinks after 10pm.

medjools...you are kidding me right... I think I saw that ungodly display and well...it looked

SAD!

That Chick said...

OMG! You totally missed sitting near to Gavin. I was so close I found out he has the longest eyelashes ever! I kept trying to figure out if he was wearing a bullet proof vest or a t-shirt under his shirt because his nipples weren't making an apperance on Saturday.

The meeting was a snooze fest aside from the Gavin child care of the two kids sitting in the row behind me.

Oh! I didn't see Brittanie (in the child care or in the audience) and Swizzle Stick was in LA making party favors with construction paper for the fundraiser tonite for Gavin.

Theo said...

I know you're more comfortable on a bar stool or on the scent of GN than you are amongst the sticks and critters, but I also know you love movies.

Bidwell Park in Chico is incredible. The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938, Errol Flinn, Olivia de Havilland) was filmed there. xo

Rebecca said...

Don't knock the white zin. Be proud that I have graduated to wine sold in a glass bottle.

Anonymous said...

At least it wasn't wine coolers and slippery nipple shots.

Anonymous said...

Beth, I hope you have a secret spy in L.A. I can't believe Swiss Miss can spell gubernatorial. Was Gavin going to be there tonight. Barf?
Who wants to bet Swissy starts dressing in Oleg Cassini and pill box hats very soon?? She makes my ass itch.

Anonymous said...

At least you had Grey Goose and brie this time...4 years ago it would have been Popov and kraft singles. : )

Cheers!

Anonymous said...

Don't knock the Popov. It has served us all well in the past. I remember drinking that in high school. It may have given us a hangover comparable to that of drinking paint thinner, but it got the job done. All hail the mighty Popov.

Jon said...

Our breakfast reminded me why I don't want kids...do you guys always play with the sauces on the table??

Jon (aka John)

Spots said...

Oh, I should've known that from MySpace. It's fixed. You're immortalized correctly.
And yes...