Tuesday, March 20, 2007

spots + dan = love...

My super hot, super secret crush Dan Noyes has apparently been desperate to get an interview with Ruby “the culprit” Tourk. Uh, get in line, Dan. I’ve got some questions for her myself. Well, now Matier and Ross are all sassing him and shit in their column, making fun of the fact that my boy Dan is a pavement pounder.
Wait. That sounded wrong.
Anyway, Ruby isn’t really feeling the whole interview thing right now and who can blame her. If Dan’s so desperate to interview a chick involved in this whole girl fight, I’m more than happy to make myself available. After all, I think it’s safe to say I’ve reached expert level status as to the personal life of our fine mayor. I’m guessing our interview would go a little something like this:

Dan: Hi Beth. Thanks for sitting down with me and the I-Team to discuss the volatile personal drama going on in Room 200.

Spots: No problem, Dan. I love your mascara, by the way.

Dan: Oh thanks. It’s just Great Lash. Anyway, what are your thoughts on Jennifer Siebel’s comments on SFist?

Spots: While difficult to read, I found them enlightening and hilarious.

Dan: Off the record, me too. It’s like, Hello? Shut up!

Spots: Seriously! Are there no skinny, blonde, 30-something rocket scientists for Gavin to date? I’m getting bored by the dumb ones.

Dan: Okay, okay. We’ve GOT to stop gabbing. Let me put on my reporter’s hat for a second.

Spots: Sure.

Dan: You’ve met Gavin. How did he strike you?

Spots: Perfect in every way. And by perfect, I mean well-dressed and drunk.

Dan: So this was before his admission of “looking forward” to drinking.

Spots: Yeah. And he was with a chick who was neither Jen or Ruby.

Dan: OMG. For serious?

Spots: Totally.

Dan: Too funny. What are you doing later? Do you want to, like, hang out?

Spots: Finally! Yes, Dan. I so do.

Dan: Fabulous! I love you, Spots!

Spots: OMG, Dan. I love you to.

End scene…


Anonymous said...

Someone needs to e-mail this to Dan. Hilarious!

dan noyes said...

Very funny, Spots. I enjoyed it. Any time you want a tour of the station, just ask. You can even watch me put on the powder for the lights -- no mascara!


Spots said...

Oh my god, Dan. Seriously, I love you!

I SOOOO want a tour of the station and I SOOOO want to write about it for the Chronicle Culture Blog. E-mail me! My people should totally be talking to your people. I have so many questions. I mean, remember when Gavin did that weirdo clap thing after you asked him about his need to booze it up 24/7? Who's clapping now, Delancy...