Wednesday, March 07, 2007

i hate you too...

My father once told me that if no one’s bitching about your writing, no one’s reading it. This, however, was from the man who proudly posted a letter to the editor on our family fridge, proclaiming “Spotswood- Idiot.”
Well, on today’s Culture Blog comments, people are bitching not just about my writing, but about bitchy old me! Apparently, making fun of alcoholism, homelessness, broken families and criminals is cool, but taking 12 items in the 9 item aisle at Safeway is an act of terrorism.
First of all, that old man had one foot in the ground anyway. If he’s still alive, lo these 72 hours later, I’m sure he’s long forgotten about our verbal sparring. Second of all, I’m well aware that rules apply to everyone, including me. And while I’m sure my sneaking 12 items into the 9 item aisle was a blatant act of selfishness, I’ve done far worse. Hey, you people should be happy I didn’t wait in the parking lot and run over that bag of bones and his goddamn Martinelli’s.
Finally, bitches need to lighten up. I was in Safeway for 15 minutes, exchanged 3 sentences with some old smelly codger, went home, wrote that shit in 45 minutes and sent it to my editor with the subject line, “This is stupid.”
So those riled up commenters can rest easy in the knowledge that no one thinks I’m dumber, ruder or uglier than I do, my proud father is probably printing out those comments for framing at this very minute and you know what, fuckers?
I’d do it again…

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Not that it should matter, but everyone who knows you, myself included, think you're brilliant, hilarious and stunning.
We also get the joke.

Rock on, Bethy.

Anonymous said...

So was it a 12 pack of asswipe or were you buying 12 rolls individually ?

Screw them. I think your freaking hilarious.

BTW I like the bikini clad laser center ad next to your dad's head at the IJ website. Is that a message about his demographic ?

T

greg said...

I find it amazing what gets people riled up. The only time I've ever had a real problem on my site was when I suggested Critical Mass wasn't all that, and suddenly I was getting hate mail accusing me (who does not drive) of being part of the "hate state car mafia."

The thing is, if you'd actually moved your items out of the queue at that point, it would have taken more time and been more of a hassle to the poor wilting flowers involved, than if you just went through and Mr. Crankypants just exchanged one of his ciders for a tall cool bottle of STFU.

Spots said...

Oh my god, I have to stop reading those comments. I'm seriously about to go find Orville and help him across a sidewalk or something.
The only upside is that this is the most culture blog comments I've ever gotten!

Matt said...

Spots, this is awesome! I'm sure your editor is in heaven. These crazies can only make you more popular.

PS. They ARE really mad, though. Over 3 items and an old guy. Sheesh.

teenz said...

Wow. What can you expect from a country that ignores Guantanamo but rings the hotlines in record numbers over Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction"? You're awesome, Beth. I don't know ya, but I like ya.

CF

Anonymous said...

Bethy:
There are two things you can't do: harm a puppy and get in the under 10 line at a super market. You just found out that even though 3,000 Americans and probably 100,000 Iraqis have died in the Iraq War, its the small things that really piss people off, thus road rage.
Daddy

Marge said...

Wow!! It's really amazing how worked up people get over trivial things. Don't sweat it Bethy. Every good writer will face their share of critics. BTW, the author of The Poop got blasted because he said a character on Sesame Street was weird. Hello!??!

cry it out! said...

I bet you're the kind of person who would cut off a busload of nuns headed to the local orphanage to read to the blind and mute. And frankly, I don't blame you.

I am feeling SO much better about myself for going in that exact. same. line. with 11 items. Twelve? I don't have the balls. You are my new hero. Can't wait for next week's!

Writeprocrastinator said...

It was three.



Not thirty...



...not thirteen...


three. It takes the checker not even a few seconds, to ring up and bag the extra items. It wasn't worth Orville loosening his Poligrip or getting his Depends all twisted.

As a former checker (at Safeway, no less), I can say that the only thing the checker cares about is: if Orville was going to bother him for a minute over this minor transgression, or tell the head clerk or manager.

Otherwise? It was one (smipe), two (swipe), three (swipe), items and it took you more time to read this, then for the checker to total and bag the additional items.