My father once told me that if no one’s bitching about your writing, no one’s reading it. This, however, was from the man who proudly posted a letter to the editor on our family fridge, proclaiming “Spotswood- Idiot.”
Well, on today’s Culture Blog comments, people are bitching not just about my writing, but about bitchy old me! Apparently, making fun of alcoholism, homelessness, broken families and criminals is cool, but taking 12 items in the 9 item aisle at Safeway is an act of terrorism.
First of all, that old man had one foot in the ground anyway. If he’s still alive, lo these 72 hours later, I’m sure he’s long forgotten about our verbal sparring. Second of all, I’m well aware that rules apply to everyone, including me. And while I’m sure my sneaking 12 items into the 9 item aisle was a blatant act of selfishness, I’ve done far worse. Hey, you people should be happy I didn’t wait in the parking lot and run over that bag of bones and his goddamn Martinelli’s.
Finally, bitches need to lighten up. I was in Safeway for 15 minutes, exchanged 3 sentences with some old smelly codger, went home, wrote that shit in 45 minutes and sent it to my editor with the subject line, “This is stupid.”
So those riled up commenters can rest easy in the knowledge that no one thinks I’m dumber, ruder or uglier than I do, my proud father is probably printing out those comments for framing at this very minute and you know what, fuckers?
I’d do it again…