Monday, March 26, 2007

how do we feel about a beret...

I have a hot date with Gavin tonight and I totally can’t figure out what to wear. The last time we went out, I was all casual in jeans and a black turtleneck, because Eve told me to look like I just rolled out of bed and was only there to discuss hobos and litter or whatever. And since I spent that morning feeling like a big, rain covered lesbian, I really want to step it up sartorially for tonight’s rendezvous. In planning my ensemble, I thought it best to review all of the outfits Gavin has seen me in and come up with something new and exciting for tonight.

First meeting: turquoise blazer and black pants at my dad’s lunch group. I know, I know. Gross.

Meeting two: Slutty boobs all up in my face and high heels, this time in breathless anticipation of Gavin’s appearance at said lunch group. (Interestingly, guests are no longer allowed when Gavin comes to lunch. Coincidence? Probably not.)

Meeting three: Frilly, twirly black skirt and cardigan. This was the time Gavin totally caressed the entire back portion of my body while laughing at my jokes in the back room of Tosca. So, this was obviously a good Gavin outfit. I wore it to dinner this Saturday, but I didn’t spill that much shit on it, so we may be good. It’s a little dressy for policy talk in the ghetto, but I’m a classy kind of broad.

And finally, the whole jeans, black sweater, bed head, rain-soaked look of February 10th.

So just to recap, we went from loser to slut to frilly to lesbian.

And you know Swiss Miss is going to show tonight, trying to upstage me in her stupid checkered monstrosities and visible ribcage. Which reminds me, I should probably wear something that provides ease of mobility in case I need to throw down.
Right now, as its pouring rain, I’m thinking jeans, a white dress shirt and my trench coat, although whenever I wear it, Gray Cloud calls me McGruff the Crime Dog, so clearly, I’m open to suggestions…

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

White dress shirt in the rain, that "accidently" gets wet... You could be on to something...

Anonymous said...

Yes, bring out the big guns and take that bitch down. She has a total tweleve-year-old boy body anyway. I can't stand Swiss Miss and her superior attitude. I'm so "sadened" that Gav is still with such an evil, no grammar-having skank.

greg said...

Swiss Miss and Gavin together bring out the rainclouds. I mean, look at it outside, it's raining...just like it did in Feb.

I was gonna go tonight but then I decided not to, instead relying on the notable observations of yourself and others...

Anonymous said...

I reccomend bring a bottle of sparkling water incase Gavin gets thirsty. Thus you and Gavin can sit down quietly and enjoy some private time.

OR Just ask "Miss Swiss" (WTF !! I got dyslexia too ) for a full 8 minute interview opposed to a 5 minute telephone follow up interview.

Anonymous said...

Swiss Miss should be run out of town by a mob with torches just like they did to Frankenstein. She's the worst. Go back to L.A. you star F'er. She should not get away with what she did. She can't trash people and then show up places with the mayor.

Fredda said...

I'm thinking you should wear a lace mask whilst holding a cigarette a la Swiss Miss. She's sooooooo theatrical!

Anonymous said...

I saw that pic on the website too. It's so awful. I stop by there some days when I need a laugh. Her reel makes me bust up every time. That kung-fu montage is so funny. She's the most annoying person I've never met.

sfmike said...

"loser to slut to frilly to lesbian" is quite a journey. I'm sincerely impressed.

And your dad's luncheon group at North Beach Restaurant sounds totally cool. If I had any money, I'd be begging for an introduction.

Anonymous said...

I have to give up all hope for Gavin if he stays with Swiss Miss after what she did. It's the last straw. He may as well say he agress with what she said. Spots, you deserve better.


http://flickr.com/photos/94254118@N00/290340221/

Anonymous said...

check out Ms. Siebel and her botoxed head in the last shot


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Spots said...

Wow, you people really hate that poor Swiss Miss.
But come ON!
She's a girl's girl, a woman's woman, a dame's dame, a gal's gal, a broad's broad. Plus, how can you despise a retarded person? It's not her fault. She's like, missing a chromosome.

I liked when she called into that TV station and announced, "I'm a good girl."
Uh, I hate to break this to her, but she's 32 fucking years old. It's probably safe to say that the last time Swiss Miss got carded was 1987...

mean girl said...

Oh, that's right....she's a nice girl and she dosen't deserve this..please. Perhaps Gavin falls for that sweet little girl routine but I know she's crap. I wonder how Celine Balitran feels about her being a gal's gal. If Jen was a nice girl she wouldn't make libelous accusations in the press about somebody she's never met and date (excuse me, screw) her friend Celine's ex Clooney. Real nice girl. I'm not a nice girl...so I calls 'em like I sees 'em