Friday, March 30, 2007

guess who my new bff is...

Zoe can go fuck herself. Because I have a new Best Friend Forever!
Eve and I went to the GavinWatch launch party at El Rio last night, and upon arrival, N Judah instantly found us and announced that Dan Noyes was in the house.
“Oh god, I write publicly about his excessive mascara use.”
“No, no. He’s cool.”
“He’s gonna I-Team me. I know it.”
None the less, we were immediately led to Dan, standing beneath a colorfully lit tree, chatting with his myriad of fans and glowing like the golden boy of local news that he is.
OMG. Dan.
I wasn’t totally scared of the wrath of Dan and his cameras because I was with Eve, who, if anyone dared to question our ‘work’, would gladly and loudly tell them to go fuck themselves. Some people have those WWJD? bracelets. I’m all WWED?
Anyway, I stuck my hand out at Dan and said, “I’m Beth.”
“Beth! Give me a hug!”
OMG. Embraced by Dan.
Even better, after ‘bustin’ my chops’ about making fun of his excessive make-up use, he agreed to let me tour Channel 7! AND write about it for the Culture Blog!
Um, I highly doubt Ross and Andy get scoops like that shit.
Because they are not BFF with Dan Noyes.
OMG. BFF with Dan.
Needless to say, total celeb that he is, everyone wanted to talk with Dan. But as the evening wore on, I found my BFF again and Tony and I stopped to chat with him. Much later as we walked to the car, Eve asked me, “What was that animated performance Dan Noyes was doing for you in the middle of the patio?”
Oh, wait until you get a load of this.
So Dan’s, all, “If you want to come on a night that I anchor, it’s kind of crazy in the studio, but probably more interesting than just a tour.”
“Yeah, I know, Dan. I’ve seen Broadcast News.”
“Beth! I was in that movie!”
It was all I could do to stop myself from doing the Elaine Benes “Shut up!” shove.
My BFF? Yeah, he’s an extra in one of my top 5 movies of all time. He even re-enacted his scene for us.
OMG. Thespian Dan.
Dan had this awesome story of how William Hurt went ballistic and stormed off the set and they had to shut down shooting for the day. I was all, “I always knew William Hurt was a douchebag.” And Dan was all, “For serious.” (I’m paraphrasing. Drinks were $2.50.)
I promised Dan that when I came to Channel 7, I’d behave. “Relax, Dan. I’m a good girl, a gal’s gal, a broad’s broad, a dame’s dame.”
OMG. Laughing Dan.
Anyway, Dan gave me his super secret cell number, and I get to call him on it to schedule my big tour. As I left, I considered announcing to my friends, “Hey, anyone wanna crank call Dan Noyes at 3am?”
But then I asked myself, WWDD?

*Check our h.brown's review and Luke Thomas' gorgeous photos of the evening, with me about halfway down!!!


honorary roomie said...

i, of course, shall galantly step aside--who can compete with someone who the Anti-Defamation League awarded the "Pursuit of Justice" Award? I believe Bed, Bath, and Beyond awarded me a 20% off coupon once, but that hardly compares...

Anonymous said...

I think once Gavin hears of this new alliance he will:
1. Stand up from his desk and kick the chair back in disgust.
2. Push all the papers and management books off his desk in a fit of rage.
3. Smile and laugh sarcastically while shaking his head.
4. Delete Beth's blog from his list of favorites.
5. Head for the door with one giant awkward seal clap before storming out of City Hall.
6. Arrange himself in a strange fashion before stepping into his waiting town car.
7. Phone Peter "Barney Rubble" Ragone and Swiss Miss on his cell to reassure him that he's still the best Mayor in the whole wide world.
8. Head for the nearest bar once Swiss Miss starts talking about china patterns.
9. Tell the bartender about his new heartbreak and then ask him to leave the bottle.
10. Turn up at Spots' apartment at 3 am passed out on her stoop.

lo said...

I never realized that Dan Noyes was your Joel Bartlett? Congrats!

Anonymous said...

well done anonymous. that's hilarious...and no doubt completely accurate. I think Gavin's taking Ms. Beth for granted and is realizing what a hot commodity she's becoming (or already is).

greg said...

that was a fun party!

Anonymous said...

I just saw Gavin drowning his sorrows at some seedy dive bar. He was trying to decide whether to play "Don't know what you've got 'till it's gone", by Cinderella or George Michael's "Careless Whisper", on the jukebox. Swiss Miss was there rattling on about her upcoming role as "Woman in Crowd", in the latest Steven Seagal movie. She was also passing out flyers announcing her starring role in the San Mateo High School production of Oklahoma this spring. Gavin was trying to pretend that they weren't together.

Anonymous said...

You and Dan should totally be spotted making out all over town a la Gavifer. Gavin will be so steamed. I say Noybeth is the new hot "it" couple. Any other suggestions?

Spots said...

There is nothing seedy about Dan and my spiritual connection! That being said, I love NoyBeth!!! Or DanWood.
I'm starting a Noyes Fan Site. Dan is Glorious! And yes, Lo. He is SO my Joel Bartlet. But I already know Joel. Plus, weather is not nearly as glam as investigative i-team hardcore journalism!

Anonymous said...

I like NoyWood, no?

Anonymous said...

Sorry! Just kidding about the making out thing. We all know Dan is a respectable family man and that you still have lust in your heart for Gavin. I say NoyeWood sticks.

Brendan said...

It makes me LOVE Dan Noyes way more that he was so cool to you. It shows he obviously has a great sense of humor. Rock on, Dan. Any friend of Spots...

Anonymous said...

I just thought of you and Dan's band name:
'Bring in the Noyes, bring in the funk.'
Deny it all you want, but you like it.

Anonymous said...

read this. too funny!

Anonymous said...

rest of above link:


King Conchobar said...

Hey Beth,

There already is a Dan Noyes fan site:


Ariella said...

People should read this.