Because he’s a total attention whore, Gavin sat down to a television interview with Channel 5’s Hank Plante yesterday and needless to say, it was glorious. First of all, Sober Gavin’s celebrity equivalent is Michael Corleone in The Godfather II. I can’t explain it, other than to say that after such turmoil and scandal, disillusionment and personal resolve, Gavin is very Tahoe-Michael right now.
Sadly, I think that makes Peter Ragone ‘Fredo’. If I were him, I wouldn’t go fishing anytime soon.
Back to the interview, Gavin mentioned something about how, instead of being a hardcore wino 24/7, he’s on the treadmill everyday.
I’ve been complaining that he’s too thin lately. The last thing Gavin needs is more cardio. If he wants to spend his sober time remembering his goddamn spirit, what’s wrong with a little yoga or meditation of tai chi?
Hank also mentioned Gavin’s breaking of the man code.
Ah yes. The man code.
Among other things, the man code clearly states that you don’t screw your best friend’s wife. And obviously, Gavin is highly guilty and regretful of this.
But throughout this interview he mentioned REPEATEDLY that his alcohol problem is exclusively with wine. Isn’t there something in the man code about that? I mean, call me crazy, but Scotch is significantly hotter. Gavin makes it seem like he’s stumbling all over town sipping on Pinot Grigio and cosmos. If the man’s going to have a drinking problem, I think it should be with something a little less girly.
Christ, I pound Gibsons like there’s no tomorrow and you don’t see me working at a Christmas tree lot.
We all know that my favorite Gavin is hot and bothered Gavin, so I was delighted to see my boy get ear-steaming mad when Hank asked him about cocaine.
Gavin dives into this tirade that’s all, “I know how that rumor got started and shame on them!”
I heard that rumor. And because of my journalistic integrity, I never wrote anything about it. Actually, the reason I never wrote anything about it is because I don’t really care. It’s not interesting to me because I’m not into coke. I never wanted to sit around snorting lines with Gavin. That’s super tacky and 80’s. I’ve always maintained we’d be great drunks together. Booze is way classier.
But I don’t get why he’s so pissed about one measly hint that he might dig the nose candy.
He’s fine with drinking himself into a stupor while performing his civic duties. He’s fine with banging his campaign manager’s wife. But oh hell to the no did he ever enjoy recreational drugs. Shame on them!
Finally, and I haven’t decided how I feel about this yet, Gavin is really cultivating his sudden Southern accent. What’s that about? Seriously, folks. It’s beyond noticeable. It’s becoming distracting. That being said, Gavin could develop some sort of stress-induced speech impediment or eye twitch and I’d still be all over his fine ass…