Tuesday, February 20, 2007

somewhere, loni anderson is pissed...

It’s rare that I get a gift on someone else’s birthday, but in the previous post’s comments, Gray Cloud alerted me to the most glorious museum in the free world: The Burt Reynolds and Friends Museum. Located in Jupiter, Florida, its existence alone is a beautiful statement about the values of our fine country. But to peruse their EXTENSIVE website, you’ll be amazed at the vastness of Burt’s career. The website proudly announces that “…the museum walls are covered with autographed pictures of presidents, sports heroes, and celebrities that Burt has rubbed shoulders with over the years.” And get a load of this: “Mr. Reynolds” runs an acting school out of his museum, where he regales his students with anecdotes, sometimes “until 3 or 4 in the morning.”
There’s even a bar.
And it’s available for private parties.
To dare, but to dream.
I can’t believe Burt Reynolds has not only deemed himself this historically important, but he’s convinced apparently thousands of supporters and fans of the need for a huge shrine to his manliness. Burt lists the 14 (yes, fourteen) towns and cities in which he is an Honorary Sheriff, and I can only assume he was bestowed these honors based on moustache cultivation alone. You can even fill out a form to volunteer at the museum, potentially helping to sell Burt Reynolds and Friends t-shirts and beer cozies.
In celebration of this glorious organization, I’ve compiled my Top 5 List of Comparable Performers who deserve their very own museum:

5. LeVar Burton & Friends Museum
4. Bronson Pinchot & Friends Museum
3. Montel Williams & Friends Museum
2. Eric Carmen & Friends Museum
1. Jeff Goldblum & Friends Museum…

5 comments:

sfwillie said...

You are displaying your ignorance here. Burt Reynolds is a fine comedic actor. His sexiness is way overblown and may have landed him some crappy roles, but to list him with those other nobodys is pretty dumb. It's like comparing Marilyn Monroe to Jane Russell.

Spots said...

1. I love how you compare Marilyn to Burt. It just makes me want to hang out with you.
2. Um, Mr. LeVar Burton is hardly a nobody.
3. A 'fine comedic actor' needs to get it. I get the feeling that every 'comedic' role 'Mr. Reynolds' has ever accepted, he hasn't been in on the joke.
I don't think Burt gets it. I'm guessing here, but come on. It's Burt Reynolds.
Trust me. Even HE doesn't think he's funny. He thinks he's Lawrence Olivier. And THAT'S what makes him funny...

Jerry said...

What's wrong with Geordi!?
He's awesome!. Do I have to sing ALL the Reading Rainbow theme for you? Because I will!...

sfwillie said...

It's the hair(piece), isn't it?

Once I was having sex with this guy and his wig came off. I like, totally lost my erection.

Have you suffered similar trauma? I mean, except for the erection part.

You know, Gavin's hairline is a little on the low side.

LeVar's only remarkable trait, besides obsequeousness, is gynocomastia.

And what would Sophia Petrillo say? Or Bea Arthur? If Bea heard you talking that way about MISTER Burt Raynold's she'd sit on you.

Rent "The End." If you don't roll on the floor laughing, I'll give you a refund.

Freudian Slip said...

Freakin hilarious!
Matt