Monday, February 12, 2007

i'm sure it's nothing...

I shun western medicine. Laziness, poverty and stupidity make me think that I can diagnose and treat pretty much anything wrong with my body. Ignoring something generally makes it go away, folks. Furthermore, I’m somewhat certain I could perform surgery on myself, should the opportunity present itself.
I should also point out that right now, I don’t have dental.
Which makes the funky tooth vibe I’m getting on the upper left side of my mouth somewhat worrisome.
I can’t really see anything wrong, and I’d determined a few months ago that I must be grinding my teeth in my sleep, so I suspect my current problem to be related. Everyday, it’s been getting the teeniest bit worse, and while I’m not yet drowning in full blown tooth pain, something is definitely up.
I was just dispatched to Whole Foods to pick up office snack supplies and decided this 7 minute drive was the perfect opportunity to further explore my concerning oral problem. While stopped at a red light, I opened my make-up compact, shoved the mirrored half in my mouth and examined the reflection of my troubling tooth in my rear view mirror.
I am well aware that most of you have now run from your computers screaming in disgust. Hey, I don’t blame you. I am indeed quite disgusting. I mean, I drive around town with a make-up compact shoved in my mouth investigating a pressing dental problem. If any of you did that shit, I would not be friends with you.
At all.
What’s even more disturbing is the fact that I chose to share this personal horror with all of cyberspace. I’ve clearly got bigger problems than a wonky tooth.
But I’ve long ago given up on dignity and grace.
My tooth hurts. And I wanted to see it. Okay?
So I’m sitting here at this stoplight with an Almay Oil Free Pressed Powder hanging out of my mouth, oblivious to the world around me. All of a sudden, I’m jolted into reality by an orchestra of honking.
“Hey lady! What the hell are you doing?”
Oh my god. The light is green. And I’ve been sitting here channeling Dr. Jang.
I am the grossest person alive…

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

heh heh.. you said.. oral...
Maybe its your wisdom toof.. ever have it out when you were a teen ?

its only a few thousand, put it on the mastercard. Hope you feel better.

T

That Chick said...

UCSF Dental school has low cost and free dental exams/services. Check it out because that teeniest problem with your tooth could end up with a crown because you needed a root canal ...all I am saying is don't wait till it a) breaks off or b) falls out.

Sincerely, you need to go to the dentist even a dentist in training is better than the $500 for a freaking crown on a tooth Gavin will want to inspect ..eventually...maybe if he ever gets the chance to check out your toothies

Spots said...

Falls out?!?!?!?!?!

OMG, I cannot be a person with a missing tooth. I'm looking this excellent tip up immediately...

Sasha said...

You aren't weird. I've been obsessed with my teeth since I had to get a (gulp) root canal a few years ago. I'm so, so bad about flossing. Anyhoo, you should get that tooth checked out. Does it hurt when you eat sugary things, or when you brush, or when you drink hot/cold liquids? Or does it just hurt in general?

Get thee to a dentist. STAT. Ask Gavin to pay for it.

Sam said...

just don't let fred see you holding up the traffic like that, or doing something else other than driving whilst in the car. That kind of unattentive, slow driving makes his galic blood boil.

mollynyc said...

Try using toothpaste for sensitive teeth! They could just be getting old!

sfmike said...

Thank you for the Dr. Jang hyperlink. His local TV commercials late at night are the only inducement for bad teeth that I've ever seen. Those all-white smiles are out of a David Lynch nightmare.

KG said...

If you're grinding in your sleep and not wearing a mouth guard, you're going to lose more than just one tooth! You should get a sports guard (I'm sure Alex can help you with that) and wear it whenever you're sleeping...that is unless you're sharing the bed with someone that would find it totally unattractive.

Christina said...

Personally I like to use toothpaste as a dermatological cure-all, but that's not so helpful for the mouth area.

I am a new reader of this blog and am enjoying it. My own blog is themed toward mortifying confessionals, so it's nice to spot someone else's.

Anonymous said...

"Spot" someone else's. nice one Christina.

I think you should try Dr. Jang. He'll even come to your residence! You just have to pretend you are unable to leave the house because you are old and feeble or have agoraphobia or handicapped.
Judging from some of our weekends, this isn't too far off.

mikey

Sunset Boy said...

As long as we are talking embarrassing stories and Dr. Jang, I once ran away from his offices when I was 8 or 9 years old because I was so scared of going to the dentist! And considering he was on 18th & Irving, and I lived on 42nd & Kirkham, that was quite a trek! And I was in quite a lot of trouble when I got home...(and still had to go the next week)
BEN

Anonymous said...

I started reading your for the Gavin stuff. But this...this is brilliant!

I love you Beth Spotswood.