My fingers are typing so fast my keyboard is beginning to smoke.
Let’s start at the beginning, because I think we all need to get a handle on this situation.
I was minding my own business last night when I noticed that I’d missed a call from Eve. Her voicemail said something along the lines of, “I just wanted to check and make sure that you’re okay.”
If it were anyone else, I’d have called right back asking what the fuck was up.
But this was Eve.
So I ran to the computer and pulled up SFGate.
“Aide Quits as Newsom’s Affair with his Wife is Revealed.”
No, Eve. I am not okay.
Apparently, Gavin was screwing around with his campaign manager’s wife, who subsequently went into rehab and, in accordance with Step Number 9, “made amends” and told her husband of the affair.
With his boss.
Her husband, the apparently highly loyal and hardworking Alex Tourk who pretty much walks around saving hobos and making Gavin look good, waited until Gavin returned from Switzerland, stormed into his office and called him on his shit.
Flies on that wall, I am so jealous.
The worst part of this whole mess? Her name is Ruby Rippey-Tourk.
Here’s the thing; I’ve always liked the fact that Gavin was weirdly loyal, maintaining some kind of old school, frat boy code of bros before hos.
Unless they have coke-head robotic wives with stupid names who look exactly like every chick in the Marina circa 1997.
And what's Swiss Miss have to say about all this? Ugh, I'm no fan but that's got to suck, returning from some whirlwind Swiss vacation with your hunky boyfriend to find out that he was involved in an adulterous affair with his campaign manager's cracked out spouse - as he launches his reelction campaign.
Needless to say, Gavin's foes are all weighing in on this one, including Tony Hall, who's apparently now runnning against him because San Francisco "deserves better."
Wait. Tony Hall? As in Tony Hall and the Hallmarks, the band from the Olympic Club Dinner Dances?
Nice. I love them.
That's what San Francisco deserves. One hell of a bunny hop.
I know what you're asking yourself.
"Spots, how will you go on? What does this mean for you and Gavin?"
Call me Tammy Wynette all you want, but if I can live through the ex-wife from Jupiter, Mama Celeste, Dakota Fanning and Swiss Miss, I can handle this bullshit.
I'm just thinking of it as very Kennedy-esque.
You know who's loving life right now?