Wednesday, February 14, 2007

happy valentines day, bitches...

I was horrified to read the appalling report on high-end matchmakers in the Chronicle this morning. I get that it’s Valentine’s Day and going with a schmaltzy puff piece on dateless nerds in what all of us want to read. But the subject of their story makes me ashamed of my gender. 30 year old Amy Anderson founded a matchmaking company to set up the single bachelors of Silicon Valley who possess “Ivy League degrees and high powered careers” with her San Francisco spinster friends, who possess “Junior League pedigrees and Pilates-sculpted bodies.”
So basically, you’re fixing up rich dorks with retarded trophy wives? And charging thousands of dollars to schlubs who don’t care that their betrothed can’t count to 100 or pronounce words containing more than three syllables?
Yeah. That’s gonna last.
Amy also takes them to Banana Republic and tells them to shave.
In other words, Amy is Satan. Or Carson Kressley.
Oh, oh, oh! The worst part? Amy met her very own geek spouse by moving herself to the South Bay, hiring a trainer, giving up booze and starving herself. And then she ends up with THIS GUY. Yeah, he’s a CEO. But he’s the spitting image of Carole Migden, only less masculine.
This just makes me want to resign myself to my cats and my rocking chair and commit myself to a life of soap operas, Dr. Phil and gay sidekicks. Because if it costs 6 grand to meet these assholes, I give up…

6 comments:

Vernetta said...

That article makes me want to get a cat...

Jerry said...

Elizabeth Spotswood, Will you be my Valentine's??!
;-)

lo said...

That article is beyond sad. Oprah would not approve of these people.

Spots said...

I'm a total whore, Jerry. Of course. Although Zoe called last night and requested this illustrious honor.

And Lo, Oprah would give Amy Anderson a beat down...

WWBD said...

I went to high school with Amy. She was voted "most likely to succeed". Do you think this counts?

Anonymous said...

Beth are you single? Amy Andersen is extremely successful. Maybe you should call her.