Thursday, January 18, 2007

top chef spoiler!

TiVo has once again fucked up and failed to tape TopChef. I have no idea why this happens, but needless to say, I’m afraid to tell my beloved living companion and must now find a way to remedy this before he gets home.
Being unable to contain myself like a responsible adult, I just went to the Bravo website where instantly I saw the big “So long, Cliff!” and knew.
Then, of course, I had to read Tom’s fatherly blog and discovered that some crazy shit went down last night. Apparently, Sam, Elia, Cliff and (sigh) Ilan got wasted and decided to immobilize a sleeping Peter Pan and shave his head. Now, I hate Peter Pan as much as the next Hot Chef but I’ve seen enough reality programming to know that any time you manhandle someone, your ass is begging to get kicked to the curb. I’m envisioning last night’s fracas to be something along the lines of the Real World II-Los Angeles incident in which David, the unfunny, speech impediment comedian was kicked off for “playfully” wrestling with Tammy the Abortionist and pulling off her comforter, prompting her to later scream, “That wasn’t not funny!!!”
So long David.
And so long funky-necked Cliff, who made me intensely uncomfortable anyway. Chef Tom was most pissed because this all went down on his birthday, which I completely understand. His wife was even in town to celebrate the occasion and if I was a stood-up Spots Collichio, I’d be one angry bitch.
You know why I love Chef Tom?
The title of his blog about this particular episode was “Shave and a Haircut, Dim-Wits.”
Genius.
Anyway, Sam, Elia, Ilan and Peter Pan are off to Hawaii for the Top Chef finale, and I can’t wait to see Padma strutting around beachfront frying pans in a bikini and heels while Gail stands angrily with her arms folded across her one piece, covered in flattering sarongs and complaining about flavor profiles…

2 comments:

lo said...

I remember when Cliff was your favorite. When did you switch to Ilan? I'm saying it here and now, Elia is going to win the whole thing.

Anonymous said...

I saw the episode and while astro boy is a jerk, cliff's wrestling was just creepy. and ol' tom was super mad.

Elia blew it by shaving her head. Now she's not nearly as nice to look at as before....