Friday, January 26, 2007

i'm sorry. is that a state?

I finally caught up with Top Chef, watching Part One of the Hawaiian Finale.
Here are my thoughts, which you should not read if you don’t want to know who gets booted:
It is absolutely safe to say that we should all fall out of love with Padma because she pronounces it “Havaii.” What the fuck? How dare she.
Also, I’m reneging on my earlier anti-Elia status. I like her now that I know she was a Mexican swimming champion. Somehow, it makes her whiny accent less annoying. Really, the highlight of the entire show was that we got to see the insides of everyone’s apartments. Peter Pan lives in some stucco monstrosity in Vegas with two dudes even dorkier than himself, where they work on their food experiments and have no art on the walls. Peter Pan is pretty much a mad food scientist and you couldn’t pay me to eat his powders, which, if you ask me, look a little suspicious.
That might explain some behavioral issues, actually. Is that crack in your foam, Pan?
Sam and Ilan both have dogs, and while I hate most animals, I’ve decided to find this cute. Also, Ilan lives in a closet. Literally. I love Ilan, he’s totally my boyfriend, but his stupid ironic sunglasses and weirdo, ‘look how alternative I am’ hats are making me fall slightly out of love.
I know we’re all supposed to be enamored with Sam.
Nope. Not me.
Open your mouth when you talk, Sam. Jesus, he’s such a pursed-lipped mumbler. Call me crazy, but I need a talker. That being said, I think Sam has the best food, the best work ethic and the best attitude.
Back to hating Padma, she will always find something wrong if the other judges like it. If everyone hates it, Padma loves it. And it pissed me off that Ilan was all ballsy and used some funky leaf that if improperly cooked, gives you a scratchy throat. Ilan slaved over those stupid leaves and just looking at Padma, you could tell she was willing her throat to hurt. Please. Even Chef Tom was like, “Uh, no. It was great. Shut up, Padma.”
Where is she supposed to be from? Why does she talk like that? This isn’t phone sex, Padma. Pick up the pace.
Okay, so in this Haviian elimination challenge, 2 people got kicked off, and it sucked that Elia spent her final 10 seconds on the show complaining about Peter Pan moving a pot. Sadly, Sam was the one that was all, “Guys, shut up and let them tell us the results.”
Class act, that mumbler.
And then he got the boot.
So it’s Ilan and Pan, head to head, Iron Chef style. Way to go for the drama, Bravo.
Oh, and a final word on Gail. Is it just me, or has she spent this past 3 months of hiatus watching the show and realizing she came of as a hardcore bitch? Because she was all sunshine and butterflies on the Big Island…


JERRY said...

Ugghhh I HATE Pan! The fact that he made it this far pisses me off, and AGAIN another foam on this challenge. he's CREEPY!

greg said...

astro pan boy is such a loser. I missed this ep and frankly I'm glad I read your recap. I agree Padma is snooty for no reason. What's her expertise besides being a skinny chick in a bathing suit?

and the foam? WTF? I was bummed to hear Elia left she was kinda cool in a Salma Hayek kind of way. I hope Ilan wins but he better have some tricks besides more paella.

Ché said...

I don't want to sound snooty by saying this (although I probably will anyway), but the "w" in the Hawaiian language can either be pronounced as a "w" or as a "v" after an "a." No one has pronounced "Hawaii" as "Havaii" in like 50 years. That's how locals tell whether someone is actually from the islands or not... well, at least I do.

You know, the more I watch Pan, the more I can understand why someone broke a bottle over his head.

Spots said...

Padma is most certainly not from Havaii...

Sunset Boy said...

Forget the cooking show! How was the Hedberg show?

Anonymous said...

Beth, you're becoming quite the socialite! I saw you in Marin Magazine (Extraordinary Living) and you looked incredible. Watch out Carrie Bradshaw;) Maybe when you have time, you could like, slum it and hang out with me.

Love you, JJ

matt said...

You're in the society pages? I don't know if I can love your blog anymore. Come on, Spots. Don't break my heart. You're too good for them.

Abby said...

Don't hate me.

Um. I kind of like Marcel (weird white-boy rap segment aside). I think Ilan needs an attitude adjustment. So. Cocky. He seems to be jealous of Marcel!

Ultimately, I'd have sent Sam and Elia, but Ilan and Marcel are going to put on a show!

(Found you via Becks) Great post. (Do you read Television Without Pity? Your recaps are great like theirs!)