I finally caught up with Top Chef, watching Part One of the Hawaiian Finale.
Here are my thoughts, which you should not read if you don’t want to know who gets booted:
It is absolutely safe to say that we should all fall out of love with Padma because she pronounces it “Havaii.” What the fuck? How dare she.
Also, I’m reneging on my earlier anti-Elia status. I like her now that I know she was a Mexican swimming champion. Somehow, it makes her whiny accent less annoying. Really, the highlight of the entire show was that we got to see the insides of everyone’s apartments. Peter Pan lives in some stucco monstrosity in Vegas with two dudes even dorkier than himself, where they work on their food experiments and have no art on the walls. Peter Pan is pretty much a mad food scientist and you couldn’t pay me to eat his powders, which, if you ask me, look a little suspicious.
That might explain some behavioral issues, actually. Is that crack in your foam, Pan?
Sam and Ilan both have dogs, and while I hate most animals, I’ve decided to find this cute. Also, Ilan lives in a closet. Literally. I love Ilan, he’s totally my boyfriend, but his stupid ironic sunglasses and weirdo, ‘look how alternative I am’ hats are making me fall slightly out of love.
I know we’re all supposed to be enamored with Sam.
Nope. Not me.
Open your mouth when you talk, Sam. Jesus, he’s such a pursed-lipped mumbler. Call me crazy, but I need a talker. That being said, I think Sam has the best food, the best work ethic and the best attitude.
Back to hating Padma, she will always find something wrong if the other judges like it. If everyone hates it, Padma loves it. And it pissed me off that Ilan was all ballsy and used some funky leaf that if improperly cooked, gives you a scratchy throat. Ilan slaved over those stupid leaves and just looking at Padma, you could tell she was willing her throat to hurt. Please. Even Chef Tom was like, “Uh, no. It was great. Shut up, Padma.”
Where is she supposed to be from? Why does she talk like that? This isn’t phone sex, Padma. Pick up the pace.
Okay, so in this Haviian elimination challenge, 2 people got kicked off, and it sucked that Elia spent her final 10 seconds on the show complaining about Peter Pan moving a pot. Sadly, Sam was the one that was all, “Guys, shut up and let them tell us the results.”
Class act, that mumbler.
And then he got the boot.
So it’s Ilan and Pan, head to head, Iron Chef style. Way to go for the drama, Bravo.
Oh, and a final word on Gail. Is it just me, or has she spent this past 3 months of hiatus watching the show and realizing she came of as a hardcore bitch? Because she was all sunshine and butterflies on the Big Island…