Tuesday, January 02, 2007

down with dan...

Things have rapidly progessed here at El Establo, where we´ve become obsessed with Dan, this shitty American computer fight guy. I took the liberty of watching Dan type his stupid e-mail last night, the computers here aligned so I can read everything on the screen of anyone to my left.
Dan was to my left.
I´m paraphrasing, but it was pretty much, ¨Happy New Year, Lauren! I´m having a great time in Costa Rica. We partied with some Costa Ricans on New Years Eve and even got to see some fireworks. I´m having a great time. I´m sorry I didn´t get a change to say goodbye on Saturday, preferably in privte. (OMG, Spots is interested.) I think it´s awesome that I got to spend my last night on the trip with the most adoreable girl in our group. I really, really liked talking with you and it seemed like you enjoyed talking with me too.
(At this point, the huge fight broke out. Dan was screaming, yelling, stomping all over the place. He then returned to his keyboard.)
I realize you have a boyfriend. (YES!) I know how hard it can be to find someone you like and get along with. (Yeah, that makes sense coming from Dan. I pity the waitress that brings Dan decaf instead of regular.) Anyway, I just wanted to say I like that we got to know each other and we have so much in common, except for the adoreable part. (That last sentace took him 15 minutes.)
And then he signed it.

Oh, and I have his e-mail address.

Kate and I regaled everyone with the story at dinner, failing to spot Dan in the hotel´s dining room. However, we hatched a plan to retalliate.
I mean, we have his -mail address. Are we not supposed to abuse this information? Of course we are. It´s a matter of national pride. Screw Dan!
This morning, lo and behold, guess who was having breakfast with a woman and another couple? Yeah. Dan. My father wisely remarked that he looks like the kinda guy that would be a character on one episode of Seinfeld, and really, that´s the perfect way to describe him. Dan painfully picked at his eggs and glared at his date, clearly finding her less adoreable than Lauren. We all couldn´t help but stare, the villian from last night´s story sitting a mere 2 tables away.
We´re off in 30 minutes for some rainforrest, but I´m far more focused on fucking with Dan. Kate and I continue to hatch our master plan, taking notes and plotting revenge. Needless to say, we want our internet correspondence with the anti-christ to last as long as humanely possible.
Tomorrow, the beach!


Towski said...

Fight details please!!

Sasha said...

I'm still waiting for the Vanessa Getty thing. What's the big blowout that W alluded to between Gavin and Billy? Anyone else think Billy is a crack/heroin addict? Just me? Okay, then.