Friday, December 15, 2006

i got your blend right here...

If you’re like me, you spend your mornings listening to a bunch of queens on the radio. For a year, I’ve been devoted to Fernando and Greg’s morning show on Energy 92.7 FM, the gayest radio station in all of San Francisco. And finally, this morning I was rewarded with my favorite interviewee, Gavin.
I will always listen to Gavin on the radio because I deeply and profoundly love how he totally adopts the lingo of his hosts. When he’s on Alice, he’s all straight, frat boy, high fiving. When he’s on KFOG, he talks about hobos and litter and acoustic play sets. When he’s on 98.1, he’s calling Renelle “Girl” and doing weird black lady voices.
And when Gavin was on Energy this morning, he was fucking gay.
Greg the Gay Sportscaster gave him the best introduction ever with, “You are like, major rock star mayor.”
So true. He should put that on business cards or city letter head.
Leave it to Fernando and Greg to cut to the case. “Everyone’s dying to know about the gel. What brand is that?”
Gasp. Oh my god. I’ve been waiting years for this info.
After much hemming and hawing, Gavin brilliantly responded, “It’s a blend.”
This is all I need, folks. This has completely made my year.
It’s a blend. Ugh, so good.
Because he was on Homo Radio, Gavin suddenly became a homosexual, or at least, his version of one. And I quote, “Have we talked about KFed?”
What? No. Shut up. Let’s talk about who you’re doing instead.
God bless him, he’s got no trouble talking about Brittanie. And God bless me, I’ve been keeping track of his lying ass.
At first, if you’ll recall, Gavin was all “I had no idea she was so young. She never told me her age.” Whatever. Then he’s all, “How can she be my girlfriend if I haven’t seen her in a month, boohoo, etc.” And this morning, he busts out with, “It’s not true. It never happened. I never even kissed this person. We never even held hands.”
Wait.
One second.
Hold on.
I need a minute.
Held hands?
Yes! Yes, this is awesome. Oh, this is glorious. I find this so, so glorious. I just want to climb all over him and run my fingers through his scientific blend of hair product and then glue our hands together with it.
Hand holding. I love it.
As if my day hadn’t already been made, Gavin topped me off with his grand finale. As he always does at these things, he made some proclamation declaring today gay radio day or something and presented the award to “Energy 97...er, uh, wait.”
It’s 92, Gavin. 97 is Alice Radio. It like this whole other station.
The place goes nuts, making fun of him as Gavin screams, “I’m dyslexic! I have a disease! I have a disease!”
The show ended and I sat on my bed with my radio in my lap glowing from the experience. Seriously. This man makes me so happy.
It’s a blend. Genius…

*Check out the pictures of this morning's interview and note the dry erase board behind Gavin. I didn't think this could get better. But lo, it has...

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your reaction to Gavin is hilarious. I can't tell if you think he's an idiot or a genius. That's probably the idea.

I think it's a little bit of both.

Anonymous said...

Newsome is my new favorite adjective. It's newsome!

Anonymous said...

Why did they spell his last name "Newsome" on the board?