Wednesday, December 20, 2006

don't mess with daddy...

If Carole Migden runs against Gavin, I’m going to go ape-shit with glee. I’d never even heard of this nutjob until she showed up late to a political debate I attended and yelled at my dad.
Oh hell no, fro.
Ever since, I’ve been fascinated by this little troll and I can’t wait for the shit to fly if she throws her anti-frizz serum into the ring. She’s like Judge Judy on crack, only not as hot. Conveniently, I’ve received an early draft of her mayoral intentions.
Enjoy:

Hello citizens, immigrants and criminals of San Francisco,
Listen up! For those of you that vote, not counting the idiot slackers that don’t, smokin’ their dope and eatin’ Chee-tos, I want to let you know that I’m going to be Mayor of this city and I ask for your support. Gavin Newsom has royally screwed up what was once a fine town and I think it’s time to send him and his hair gel back to wherever the hell he came from. We gotta get the bums off the street, we gotta clean up the ghettos and we gotta fix the damn busses. The only thing that boy did right was give homosexuals the right to have our marriages annulled. Hell, he even married me. Big whoop. It only counts if you can make it stick. Thanks for nothing, Gavin.
Vote for me. I’ll make it stick.
Carole with an e.

In response, Gavin’s planning on writing this:

Hello Fellow San Franciscans,
In response to the letter from Carole Migden, announcing her intent to run against me in the coming election, I’d like to say 2 things:
#1. If nothing else, even I have better hair.
#2. I got that bitch a fucking Cuinsinart for her lesbo wedding and I want it back.
Please. Like I’m not going to win.
Your pal,
G-Money.

Carole always needs the last word:

In response to Gavin Newsom’s recent public request for me to return his wedding gift, I have this to say to him: I threw it out the window at a crackhead screaming nonsense outside my office. Whaddaya think of that? If you cleaned up the streets like you said you would, I’d be happy to give you back your crappy Cuisinart. And another thing. No bride, or groom I would assume but how the hell would I know, wants something they didn’t register for. Don’t get creative, meathead. I made a list. Follow it.

Oh, bitchfight in public. Nice. Gavin strikes back:

While this public forum isn’t the most appropriate place for Senator Migden and I to communicate, I feel it necessary to respond to her recent public admonition of my wedding gift to her and her partner. I refused to purchase her a gift she’d registered for as the couple was exclusively registered at Good Vibrations. It didn’t seem appropriate for an elected official such as myself who, incidentally was pissing off most of the country by marrying homos in the first place, to present a huge dildo to the happy couple. Call me crazy…

3 comments:

Jackson said...

Hilare!

Anonymous said...

She looks like "Annie" on crack.

greg said...

OMG, this is so funny!