As I am completely oblivious, I forgot to listen to KFOG this morning. But thank god for technology because you can listen to a chunk of it (and you know it’s the chunk we care about) on KFOG’s website. Should you wish to forgo that, I’ll recap:
1. Gavin ran out of hair gel. He only had “a dollop.” Hence, HairGate.
2. Gavin asked Brittanie “on a whim” to attend the Opera after meeting her at Aqua where she was a hostess. He had no idea how old she was. He hasn’t spoken with her in a month. But people should stop talking smack.
3. He will run for re-election. He was having a “bad week” when he told M&R how much being mayor sucked.
And now, Spots will respond:
1. The word “dollop” makes me uncomfortable, first of all. Second of all, how much does he need? More than a dollop? He reassured us that he’s stockpiled hair gel and such an unfortunate do will never darken our city again. SpotsBlog is currently offering a reward to the reader who can give us gel brand conformation (as this will determine scent of hair, which I will then rub all over my house.)
2. Where to begin on this doozy? First of all, does this mean that if I seat Gavin at a dining establishment, buss his dirty plates or stand within a 10 foot radius of him, I might score a date to my high school reunion (November 29th, if anyone from the Mayor’s office is reading.) I am 28 years old and can provide three forms of identification. And why did he not inquire as to her age after she, oh, I don’t know, said her favorite colors were pink and purple? Did they speak AT ALL before engaging in godless acts in the coatroom? This morning’s interview implied that they barely knew each other, but I don’t buy that crap for one second. We might be pathetic, lonely stalkers, G-money, but we’re not retarded. For a moment, it seemed as if he was about to blame Aqua for hiring someone so young, but caught himself. In that moment, I fell a little bit out of love.
3. Thank fucking god. Next time he’s having a bad week, I suggest that the mayor do what I do. They’re called gay bars, Gavin. And they make everything better…