I received a text from the baby brother as I was getting ready for work this morning. My phone glowed with the message, “Are you listening to Alice?”
There’s only ONE reason Biscuit would alert me to radio.
Gavin.
I raced through the house. Do we even have a radio? I have no idea. Panicked, it finally occurred to me. My goddamn alarm clock. I don’t know that I’d ever even turned the radio on, much less knew how to go about it. I must have missed 3 or 4 minutes just trying to get the damn thing to work.
Random song, static, news, static…familiar gravelly voice! Hazaa!
Apparently, the Mayor is bummed out. Something about voting or elections or politics.
Ugh, who cares! I’m getting sick of the whining. This is not how I want to start my Wednesday, listening to pretty boy having a tantrum.
Once he got over the constant complaining, things got interesting.
Apparently someone on the radio show was getting married and Gavin starts diving into his extra-terrestrial ex-wife, Kimberly Golddigger.
“Yes!” I screamed, and then rapidly shut myself up.
Apparently, the only thing they fought over during the divorce was who gets some (probably hideous) plates, which Golddigger doesn’t want, requiring Gavin to pay for storage. It was also painful for Gavin to have to hear all about Golddigger marrying that poorly dressed gay man and popping out a kid 10 minutes later, although he claims they have a great relationship. Because they never talk.
Hell yeah, this is some good radio.
In my delight, I missed the segue into a discussion on Gavin’s current ho, Jennifer Weirdo and subsequent review of her appalling website. Obviously, I had to explore its contents, particularly as Gavin described her as a “remarkable woman.”
And now, a quote from her bio:
“As a person, my being so sensitive and emotionally expressive hasn’t always worked to my advantage. As an actress, though, its been my greatest blessing… it has afforded me natural empathy, the ability to expose my vulnerabilities and truths unabashedly. It’s nice feeling this alive. But, is it for everyone? Maybe not. But, hey, it works for me.”
Remarkable, my ass.
Jesus Christ, where does he find these people?
Gavin’s annoying me today anyway, so I hope they enjoy lots of really stupid conversations with each other sitting awkwardly on a couch re-watching her appearance as Extra #4 on Presidio Med.
I give it a week…
12 comments:
You are great. I could not agree with your perspective more. Keep up the great work. You continue to make my day.
Thanks stranger! That's awesome...
I wouldn't have been able to withstand the tantrum either...
but...
by looking at those pictures on radioalice.com, Gavin not wearing a tie with the first couple of buttons undone somehow makes up for that.
Beth,
I read her bio, too. Unbelievable! Most people who graduate with two degrees from Stanford take some high-paying, eighty-hour per week job just to pay off their school loans. She moves to L.A. to become an actress! Must be nice to have a trust fund that large. I read about her and Gavin on SFist. Apparently, she had a fling with George Clooney so she's probably not above dating someone just for the publicity. Now that she's with Gavin everyone will know who she is. Isn't it interesting that Gavin gets together with her right after he gets "busted" for dating a twenty-year old? He wins, too. He gets seen with woman of age and she gets her name in the press.
Che, I thought the very same thing. Ding fucking dong.
And anonymous, don't you get it? When Gavin dates a woman with THAT bio, we ALL win.
Beth,
I don't quite get what you mean by "THAT" bio and then we "ALL" win. That being said, honestly, what do you think of Gavin? I know it sounds corny, but do you think he is a decent guy of character who makes some dumb mistakes or a politician who does what he wants and covers his tracks when he needs to? By the way, did he and Jennifer meet at Tosca like the two of you? I agree with you that this relationship won't last long.
Well, by THAT bio I meant the ridiculous ramblings of a crazy person and by us ALL winning, I mean that we ALL get to read the ridiculous ramblings of a crazy person who is dating out mayor.
Ugh, it's too fabulous.
All I know about Gavin is that he's charming and gorgeous. That's all I need, babe. Actually, I need a lot less than that, so he's pretty much perfect. Anyone that marries the gays is tops in my book.
I don't know where he met this nutjob, but I'm willing to guess it was at some place really loud where he couldn't hear her when she rambled on and on about her emotions and shit.
He's a pretty boy mayor who dates ridiculous women. That's worth a blog or 12, in my eyes. But that's about it. Unless, you know, he wants to hook up or something, in which case, I'll be far less blasse about my actual feelings...
I feel like maybe I should jump in here, although maybe I'm stating the obvious. Spots is having a little fun, folks. She's a real person with a real life and real friends and while a big Newsom fan, doesn't actually plan on having his babies.
She's no expert. She doesn't want to be. She'd rather observe and comment BRILLIANTLY. And that is why I love her.
That, and for her China trip in August of 2004. Check those archives. They're genius.
Spots doesn't actually plan on having Gavin's babies? Shocking!! By the way Spots, did you notice that, based on what you quoted from her ridiculous website, this Jennifer woman is basically Sophia Milos with blond hair? Thanks for the laughs and have a great evening!!
Don't forget, kids, it's almost Christmas time. I'm thinking a photoshopped picture of Gavin in a fireman uniform...
Siebel is probably a Kabbalist.
Or a Scientologist.
Or something equally unnecessary and irrelevant to life.
And Gavin will say, "I couldn't tell you two things about it!"
That quote is pure heaven. Every once in awhile, he busts out with some old man phrase that makes my day...
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