I received a text from the baby brother as I was getting ready for work this morning. My phone glowed with the message, “Are you listening to Alice?”
There’s only ONE reason Biscuit would alert me to radio.
I raced through the house. Do we even have a radio? I have no idea. Panicked, it finally occurred to me. My goddamn alarm clock. I don’t know that I’d ever even turned the radio on, much less knew how to go about it. I must have missed 3 or 4 minutes just trying to get the damn thing to work.
Random song, static, news, static…familiar gravelly voice! Hazaa!
Apparently, the Mayor is bummed out. Something about voting or elections or politics.
Ugh, who cares! I’m getting sick of the whining. This is not how I want to start my Wednesday, listening to pretty boy having a tantrum.
Once he got over the constant complaining, things got interesting.
Apparently someone on the radio show was getting married and Gavin starts diving into his extra-terrestrial ex-wife, Kimberly Golddigger.
“Yes!” I screamed, and then rapidly shut myself up.
Apparently, the only thing they fought over during the divorce was who gets some (probably hideous) plates, which Golddigger doesn’t want, requiring Gavin to pay for storage. It was also painful for Gavin to have to hear all about Golddigger marrying that poorly dressed gay man and popping out a kid 10 minutes later, although he claims they have a great relationship. Because they never talk.
Hell yeah, this is some good radio.
In my delight, I missed the segue into a discussion on Gavin’s current ho, Jennifer Weirdo and subsequent review of her appalling website. Obviously, I had to explore its contents, particularly as Gavin described her as a “remarkable woman.”
And now, a quote from her bio:
“As a person, my being so sensitive and emotionally expressive hasn’t always worked to my advantage. As an actress, though, its been my greatest blessing… it has afforded me natural empathy, the ability to expose my vulnerabilities and truths unabashedly. It’s nice feeling this alive. But, is it for everyone? Maybe not. But, hey, it works for me.”
Remarkable, my ass.
Jesus Christ, where does he find these people?
Gavin’s annoying me today anyway, so I hope they enjoy lots of really stupid conversations with each other sitting awkwardly on a couch re-watching her appearance as Extra #4 on Presidio Med.
I give it a week…