Sunday, October 15, 2006

matt gonzales would never pull this shit...

Here I sat, in a perfectly good mood, hardly hungover considering, sipping my fancy coffee and listening to the new Scissor Sisters album, Ta-Da! So you can imagine my disgust and horror upon cracking open my morning paper and finding THIS.

#1. Since WHEN is she his GIRLFRIEND? Is that legal? What, did she like make him a friendship bracelet or something? Is she drawing swirly hearts and stars on her geometry notebooks with GN+BM. (Her initials are BM. Yay!)

#2. If Gavin is so apparently oblivious to her obvious alcoholism, see #1. Clearly, to officially declare each other BF/GF requires “the talk.” We all know “the talk.” If Gavin and BM had “the talk”, don’t you think he would’ve said something along the lines of, “Okay, Brittanie. I will call you my girlfriend. But you’ve got to stop putting cheap gin in your Squeeze-Its. Not only is it illegal, it’s tacky.” She was drinking “wine.” Since when is passion fruit Arbor Mist “wine”?

#3. A republican!?! Are you shitting me? So she’s opposed to homos and hobos, Gavin’s two favorite things! She probably throws her beer cans at gay hobos and desperately wants to go to war with Canada. A republican. I can’t believe it.

In closing, I’m afraid I have to spend some serious time reconsidering my devotion to a man who “dates” a child hooch whore who, when she isn’t pounding vodka and red bull, is voting in favor of the destruction of the free world. How can a man so wonderful, charming and brilliant consistently date the stupidest women on earth, or in Kimberly’s case, within our solar system?
Well, it DID work for Bill

6 comments:

Sam said...

My first thought, when I read this earlier today actaulyy was, "shit, Beth's not going to like this piece of news".

Spots said...

You and me both...

Writeprocrastinator said...

She is *technically* legal, yes. But with the nineteen years difference at that stage, they will have nothing to talk about (or is that the point?).

I dunno, maybe Sofia Milos only partially L.Ron Hubbard-ed him and Gavin will only jump on chairs, instead of couches.

The guy has been on the steady decline, in terms of the personalities of his dates and this is certainly no way to make Kimberly jealous.

greg said...

well I'd say she's a step up from Ms. Guilfoyle, and her Vanilla Ice impersonations...still...you'd think the Mayor's people could do better...

From today's paper:

""I do this Vanilla Ice Dance," she told writer Marshall Heyman, as she stood to show off her whopper of a diamond ring and matching earrings.

"I go, Ice, Ice Baby, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh -- all the silly things that couples do."

Anonymous said...

Beth,

I wrote you several months ago and said Gavin wasn't good enough for you while he was with Sofia. Well now I know he isn't good enough for you. It is gross to see any 39 year old man with a 20 year old "woman" but it is especially so when the man is the mayor of a large city. He can date anyone but chooses someone just old enough not to get him arrested. I lost some respect for him when he went for Sofia but have lost all of it now. I am so disappointed to discover who Gavin really is. You deserve better. Check out the blogs on this site. http://www.sfist.com/archives/newsom/

Cece said...

39 y.o. w/a 20 y.o.? Ewwww....