Thursday, September 07, 2006

nice hair. what'd that take? like 4 minutes?....

Just to torture myself, I flipped through SFgate's photos of last night's snoozer Symphony Gala. While I was slumming it on my futon, watching Project Runway and eating pre-packaged salad and CrystalLite, people who think they're way cooler than me froze their skinny asses off and pretended to care about dead music for the sole purpose of making me feel left out.
Fine.
No big deal.
I didn't want to go anyway.
But then, I saw this.

















Um, oh my fucking god. That bastard is cheating on me. With some bitch that is wearing the fabulous shoes I'm sporting right this very minute. And I'm tanner. And smarter. With, like, things to say. Quelle horreur.
Because I've perfected the art of stalking, I googled this pointy faced freak, and to add insult to injury, she was a member of the 2005 Sonoma State Women's Lacrosse Team.
What's that make her? 12? And butch? And sweaty?
Ewwww.
First of all, Sonoma State?
Second of all, she spells her name Brittanie. So, you know, nuff said.
Finally, I know what Jason is thinking right this very minute and I'm thinking it too. We happen to know a Sonoma State Lacrosse playing party machine. Don't worry. I just got off the phone with him. He claims to be calling me back with any and all info he can gather, as he "thinks" he "might know her." Stay tuned.
Seriously. What's my boyfriend thinking. This is just rude.
Whatever.
I give it 3 days and an uncomfortable voicemail before shellac comes running back to me...

9 comments:

Cece said...

Is it funny that I live in LA, and thanks to reading your blog often, I know who the SF Mayor is. LOL

BTW, you're much prettier than the pointy face chick!

KG said...

Oh! I just saw this: http://www.poormojo.org/pmjadaily/archives/010814.php
I was about to email you, when I thought...check the blog.
19? ugh
she has a myspace...

Spots said...

UPDATE: She was born during the SECOND Regan Administration, she's currently attending San Francisco State (studying like, words and stuff or something) and lists her martial status on her Facebook account as "Open Relationship." Obviously, I don't have a facebook account, because I'm...ancient. However, in another depressing twist, I know people that know people that know her. So that's just fucking great...

Anonymous said...

Nice new favorites! I like the designer, architect and chanteuse!!!!!! Are you taking suggestions for new ones?

your baby bro said...

Way to go Newsom! She's really hot and kinda sporty which i totally dig.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Hizzoner likes her because she lives up to her name...

becky said...

Maybe she is "just a friend..."

Spots said...

Becky, 38 year old men that are "friends" with 19 year old girls are called sleazebags. Or R. Kelly...

greg said...

Check out the video if you haven't already....it's interesting....let's just say his date was not the most articulate of gals....

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2006/09/08/symphnite2006vid.DTL&hw=symphony&sn=004&sc=576