Monday, August 21, 2006

oh, and he paints...

I like to think that one of the purposes I serve in your life is to introduce you to hot people you may never have heard of. Sunday’s exhaustion meant that when I plopped down on the couch next to Mikey watching golf yesterday, I was too tired to argue about changing the channel. I just started watching and slowly, started asking questions.
I don’t know if I was still drunk from the weekend, but I was into that PGA Championship. 15 minutes into watching it, Mikey looked over.
“So, did you want to go to the movies?”
“I guess. But we have to watch the end of this golf game first.”
Stunned silence.
“Why are you staring at me?”
“It’s just, I’m, um, I’m so happy right now. I can’t believe you’re into this.”
He was incredibly patient, answering my questions and tolerating my ignorance. He even spent the commercial breaks (of which there was one every 5 minutes) running to the computer and looking up details I’d inquired as to.
Suddenly, HE appeared.
“Who’s that????”
Luke Donald.”
“Um, tell me of this Luke.”
“He’s British.”
I think I just fell in love. Not only is he adorable, foreign and rich, he’s sponsored by Ralph Lauren.
Gavin who?
We got to see a lot of Luke yesterday, as he was playing with Tiger “Big Chris” Woods. Tiger Woods needs to relax. I know he’s like, the greatest golf player in the world or whatever, but the guy walks through throngs of people who give him a standing ovation every time he goes to the bathroom and he just looks straight ahead, feigning focus. We get it, pal. You take this really seriously.
“So Mikey. Tiger was minus 19 before and now he’s minus 18. Does that mean he got a bogie?”
“Oh my god, yes it does! This is awesome!”
His elation was short lived. “Let’s talk more about Luke.”
“His caddy is his brother.”
“That is so cute! Ugh, that is the cutest thing I ever heard of.”
Suddenly, with Tiger and the future Mr. Spotswood finishing up the 17th hole, Mikey got a phone call he apparently HAD to take. “Michael, get in here! They’re at the 18th hole! Everyone’s going nuts!”
As Tiger claimed his trophy in what can only be described as a very awkward exchange of compliments and handshakes, Mikey finally returned.
“Shit! Did I miss the whole thing?”
“Yes! I can’t believe you missed it. It was awesome. Everyone was cheering and they both did it par and Luke tipped his visor and Tiger won his second Majors after the death of his father and best friend, Earl Woods.”
“Who the hell ARE you?”
Folks, we had 2 big breakthroughs at 916A yesterday. Number One, I now encourage the watching of golf. And Number Two, let’s give a big blogger welcome to the hottest boy at the country club, Luke Donald…

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Usually guys with two first names are a turn off. There's an exception to every rule.

Blogger Hello Mr. Donald

amy said...

Yeah, that guy is hot. But I wouldn't watch golf for him. Hey, I want you to design my MySpace page because I love your new photos and your new song and I am incapable of making mine look good. Help!

Anonymous said...

first of all...i'm the hottest guy at the country club...if luke was from wichita you wouldn't like him...second, who called mike during the coverage of the last two holes of the PGA? she better have been really hot bc that's bush...it's bush league.

-gray cloud

Spots said...

You're right. You're way hotter than Luke. I'll make a montage of Luke vs. Gray Cloud photos and open it up to internet voting.

The BTK Killer was from Wichita. Gross. Luke would never be from Wichita. He's from Hemel Hempstead. Everyone knows that.

And finally, Mike's call was from a guy. Although, he could very well have been hot. Not the hottest guy at the country club. But hot...

amy said...

Gray Cloud and Big Bag of Bullshit are back. Terrific. I want to see this montage. You have actual pictures of GC? You know him? Why?

Spots said...

Of course I know Gray Cloud. He's President of my fan club...

sfmike said...

I thought Luke Donald's caddy brother was cuter than your future husband. And keep your eyes open for the young Australians Stuart Appleby (think young Robert Redford) and Geoff Ogilvie, who looks like Jake Gyllenhall.

And for hungover television watching, there is nothing better than golf. It's stupid, soothing and sorta suspenseful all at the same time.