My favorite periodical, Vanity Fair, came out with it’s Style Issue this month, including it’s list of the International Best Dressed. I certainly agree with the fellas listed. I’ve been saying Clooney’s a modern day Cary Grant for years. I’m glad VF is finally ripping me off. And the addition of Ozwald Boateng would have been clever, had IFC not run a 6 episode reality show of how this genius British menswear designer is trying to break into America. That’s cool, tho. You sartorially inclined men should all be wearing Ozwald. (That means you, bikeshorts.) All those hob-nobby, Eton style British guys with crests on their slippers and tousled hair and hands in pockets knock my socks off. I love old school, and I think men should dress accordingly. My only male disagreements are Lapo Elkann (although, he’s determined to keep gaudy Eurotrash alive while ignoring the fact that he recently OD’d in the apartment of his tranny prostitute) and Kanye West, who would wear a mink vest and Reebok running shorts with cowboy boots and a fez hat and people would golf-clap his arrival. If we need to represent that esthetic, VF, perhaps Andre 3000 would have been a more sophisticated choice.
The ladies however, generally disappointed. Sofia Coppola is not the best dressed, Earth. Wandering around looking bored in the same Marc Jacobs navy sack, while well-designed, is not great style. They’ve got like, 4 pictures of her and she’s in the same dress every time. “Uh, I’m so bored all the time and I love Marc and I am so over bad taste and…I don’t know…”
I just want to bitch slap her.
And Codi Rice? Are you kidding me? Maybe if she were a 92 year old, white philanthropist who sips tea all day, she could get away with sporting Barbara Bush’s rejects. But she’s a hot, young-ish, international woman of color. Who does her hair? And why are they allowed to live. She needs some tips from another who made the list, Oprah. Now, if Oprah had anything to do with what she looks like, I’d be down with her inclusion within these glorious pages. But it takes about 49 people just to get Ope out the door every morning. Have you seen her without hair and make-up? She looks like James Brown’s mugshot. Oprah wasn’t let into Hermes because hse’s black. Oprah wasn’t let into Hermes because she looked like a fucking train wreck, banging on the door in sweats and a floppy sun hat. I’d have thought she was a hobo. Finally, no one’s ever accused VF of being big homophobes. So including Fran Lebowitz, the lesbian in designer men’s suits and disdain for regular people wasn’t necessary. We get it. She’s got a very recognizable look. So does Anna Nicole Smith. That doesn’t make them best dressed. That just makes them weird.
In closing, I’d like to offer my kudos on these 5 outstanding choices made by Vanity Fair, which are perfect:
5. Selma Blair
4. Gwen Stefani
3. Zac Goldsmith
2. HM Queen Raina of Jordan
1. I’m guessing Gavin got left out due to human error or misprint. We’ll assume he was mean to be included. Don’t worry. I’ll ask…