Years and years of true crime reality television has honed my already god given gift of hardcore detective skills. I fully maintain that had I been provided with the complete case evidence on a number of crimes, particularly Scott “Hot + Stupid = Murder” Peterson, I’d be able to solve that shit. Which has me thinking. As a child I entertained a myriad of potential professions, from astronaut to marine biologist to mathalete, including one I’d like to revisit today: Private Detective.
In fact, I think that most likely, I’ll find myself the center of an array of unsolved mysteries as an older woman, and aspire to a lifestyle not unlike that of Jessica Fletcher, heroine of Murder She Wrote. I don’t necessarily want to get paid for my services, because really, they’re priceless. I just want to go off to a hunting weekend at a British country estate of an old friend and discover someone murdered in the drawing room. Or find myself in some international 3rd world, 5-star hotel and just stumble upon espionage and subterfuge, working in cahoots with grumpy old detectives who slowly realize that the well-dressed, well-aged American woman in the corner seems both innocent and impressively helpful.
The thing that was so convenient about Murder She Wrote is that anytime Jessica Fletcher left her little Cabot Cove cottage, some disposable person we meet within the first 15 minutes of the episode shows up dead. Uh, Hello Sheriff Tupper? Cabot Cove’s got the homicide statistics of Compton.
But of course, that’s what makes that old battleaxe Fletcher so fabulous: the black cloud of untimely death that follows her wherever she goes. Which brings us to today’s Top 5 List:
Top 5 Fictional Detectives/Mystery Solvers of All Time:
5. Jessica Fletcher
4. Hercule Poirot
3. Scooby Doo
2. Sherlock Holmes
1. Encyclopedia Brown…