It’s always fascinating when a parent reveals a snippet of their past previously kept under wraps. Last night, we celebrated Mom’s birthday with dinner at Poggio, and eventually, after intense discussions on global conspiracies and Hezbollah, we moved appropriately onto Dad’s ex-girlfriends. For unexplainable reasons, my mother loves discussing this and will goad me into asking more and more specific questions. We’d heard over the years about one in particular, a woman I’ll call “Jane” who apparently dated my father while he was in law school. After a few months, dad didn’t see his relationship with Jane going anywhere, so he took her to dinner and dumped her. According to lore, “expletives were involved.” Furthermore, some time later, a friend of my folks ran into Jane on a San Francisco sidewalk. When informed that the apparent love of her life, my dear old dad, was about to tie the knot with my mother, she threatened to show up at the wedding. Thus, 2 friends were stationed outside Old Saint Mary’s in a famous and oft-retold attempt at thwarting any angry, dumped wedding crashers. When my grandfather, the late, great Bob Spots was asked about Jane, he responded, “She was nutty as a Christmas fruitcake.”
So last night, we get to talking about Jane. “Why’d you date such a nutjob, dad? Who knew you were such a heartbreaker?”
Rolling his eyes, my father casually stated, “Yeah, then she ripped up a picture of me and mailed it to me.”
Uh, what? Are you shitting me?
If this happened to Big Chris or Jason, I would hardly be so shocked. But Daddy?
This information delights me to no end. First of all, my father’s a pimp. Second of all, iPod or not, I don’t think he could’ve given my mother any better birthday present than this glorious tidbit of pre-Joanne scandal...