Sharpee came out with all these fabulous new colors. This delights me, as I love Sharpees. Actually, I love most office supplies, and as I was selecting my new Sharpees this morning, I recalled the familiar twinge of glee I experienced buying grammar school supplies every September. Not only did I get free range of the Longs Drug Store school supply aisle, I was faced with the daunting and highly important task of selecting my Trapper Keeper.
I wore a plaid uniform from Kindergarten through 8th grade, thus the only means of expressing one’s personal style was done via free dress days, key-chains attached to backpacks, footwear and the image upon your Trapper Keeper.
Early on, girls lean towards the gender appropriate puppies, kittens and fields of flowers. Puppies and kittens were always coming out of baskets and had that White Diamonds haze over everything. Guys always had some sports or skateboarding related Trapper Keeper, or if you were really nerdy, some kind of outer space goings on. TV or movie related Trapper Keeper’s were also acceptable, provided they were the right TV shows and movies. For example, I recall falling madly in 4th grade love with Max and his A-Team Trapper Keeper.
Fancying myself a trendsetter and having a reputation to maintain, in 6th grade I selected an early 90’s hippie revival Lisa Frank binder, depicting brightly colored rainbows and peace signs, and emblazed with the hippy-fonted slogan, “Make Love Not War.”
Worse, feeling the need to push the 6th grade envelope at St. Patrick’s, I printed out a rustic homemade computer sign bearing the same words. To look at it looked like you were seeing something printed on the first home printer ever invented. It even had those perforated strips with holes in them along the edges, like they were printed on lie detector paper. Anyway, the day before my birthday party, to which all 28 6th graders were invited, I displayed my computer printout.
Directly above my bed.
You’d think I was running a whorehouse from a 13 year old’s room, based on the response from the classmates. The combination of my fake hippy Trapper Keeper and my homemade computer sign was too much.
“Oh my god, Beth makes love. Ewwww. Why don’t you go make love with your lover.”
I was an outcast at my own party, and I couldn’t wait to get those brats out of my room so I could take down that stupid printout and toss that cursed Trapper Keeper.
Needless to say, I arrived at school the following Monday with a goddamn puppy peeking out of a goddamn basket…