Tuesday, July 18, 2006

hey eunice, look! it's a queer!

It’s July, and we all know what that means…goddamn tourists! I don’t care where they’re from, what they’re staring at or who they’re wearing, they all look the same. I can spot a tourist in San Francisco from the air, they’re so obvious with their backpacks, crazy shirts and sourdough bread bowls of chowder wandering Fisherman’s Warf and buying “Alcatraz Swim Team” apparel.
I remember as a child, my father, the public transportation expert, driving around and getting absolutely livid at tourists riding faux cable cars. He’d scream and yell (at the passengers) that cable cares RUN ON CABLES and don’t come with steering wheels and uniformed drivers named Kimber holding microphones and pointing out Coit Tower, nor do real cable cars go back and forth across the Golden Gate Bridge and pause for photos by the Palace of Fine Arts.
So prior to yesterday, I thought fake cable cars were the stupidest thing to hit San Francisco since Kimberly Goldigger. However, both yesterday and today, I spotted this monstrosity.
“Spots?” You’re saying. “What’s the big deal? It’s just an ugly double-decker bus driving Republicans around San Francisco.”
Oh, I don’t know. Call me picky, but there is nothing that makes me more ashamed of my country and my people than to see a bus proudly sporting the sights and colors of SAN DIEGO driving a bunch of oblivious tourists through San Francisco…


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