Um, the Giants suck.
And let me tell you why.
How, in such a sophisticated, educated and cosmopolitan city can we have a team called the GIANTS whose mascot is not a giant? Is this ridiculous to no one else? Seriously, sportsfans. This is the stupidest lack of common sense I’ve ever encountered.
I don’t care if they’re winning or losing. I don’t care who is taking steroids or screwing strippers. I don’t even care what their outfits look like. I do care, however, that some sea creature is the stupid mascot of a team whose very name provides so much wonderful mascot fodder.
If I were running shit over there at PacBell Park, I’d have some guy in a huge, Shrek type giant costume leading the cheer. With his huge fingers, he’d point to different sections of the theater as people would scream, “Fee! Fye! Fo! Fum!”
Ad campaigns would consist of the Giant, who we’d obviously name, at various recognizable San Francisco locales, using cable cars as roller skates, climbing the Transamerica Building and sitting in the middle of the Golden Gate Bridge dipping his toes in the Bay.
Who do I talk to about this…