Feeling mischievous, I grabbed drinks at the Bell Tower with Gray Cloud last night. He returned from the bar with our cocktails and said, “Sorry that took so long. I met a girl and invited her over.”
She soon arrived, clad in a floorlength linen jumper and an oblivious disposition. I simply couldn’t help myself. As Gray Cloud departed to grab her a drink and a barstool, she asked how we knew each other.
“Oh, we met on JDate. We had this really intense physical relationship for 6 months until I finally realized I was a lesbian.”
“You’re a lesbian?”
“Oh yeah. Hardcore. I’m really lesbian identified. I came out like, a year ago and Gray Cloud has been instrumental in helping me realize my true sexual self.”
“Wow. Did you always know you were gay?”
“Well, I’ve always found women mesmerizing.”
Gray Cloud returned, and proceeded to ask linen jumper about her job. Apparently, she takes photos of celebrities.
“Have you ever photographed Gavin Newsom?” Gray Cloud politely asked. “Because Beth loves him.”
“Gavin Newsom. The mayor of San Francisco.”
“Opps. I should know that. I majored in political science. Giggle, giggle, giggle.”
Okay, if I was being a bitch to this poor girl before, I now had to open the floodgates.
“My girlfriend hates how obsessed with him I am. But I’m getting over it, you know, now that I’m a big butch lesbian. In fact, I’m thinking about shaving my head.”
Gray Cloud glared at me from across the table, as linen jumper asked me my favorite question.
“What do you do for a living?”
"Oh, I’m a cop. A police officer.”
“You are? What kind of cop?”
“A beat cop. Just a uniform beat cop. I’ve been walking my precinct for 4 years and am working my way up to Special Victims. Now that I’m a lesbian, I really want to work for the betterment of women who are assaulted and abused by men. It’s what I’m most passionate about. Aside from, you know, being a lesbian.”
I was two seconds away from telling her about my glass eye, when Gray Cloud jumped in. After I was forced to witness the awkward digit exchange and give linen jumper a ride (Golly, you drive fast for a cop!), Gray Cloud and I headed to RBar, laughing the whole way there.
“Oh man, that was awesome. That was pure heaven. That was surprisingly challenging, keeping a straight face. I was riffing! Go find another chick. Seriously. I want to be something else this time.”
“Yeah, that was awesome. But I don’t like the JDate or the SVU thing. Next time, say you’re a cop who goes undercover as a hooker…”